E-mail flattery

I posted a profile on this free online dating website called "plenty of fish". One of my friends met a guy through the site. Granted, it didn't end up being a love connection, but I figured, why not. There's nothing to lose. I selected an SF zip code so I would get responses from city guys - an even bigger pond of fish, if you will. I've received tons of messages from geeky Indian IT guys, NASCAR fans, and just generally unattractive guys. But a couple of hotties have contacted me, which is nice. One guy in particular has captured my fancy with his very interesting (and probably hallucenigenic drug-induced) messages. Check it out:

Message 1:
Hello! you are indeed a woman of some substance it seems. Which exact substance i don't know but i know it must be a prescription of some kind because you are intoxicating. Okay that was corny.let me try again.Wow. You are insanely pretty. Beautiful in a non-lewd way. Someone you would be proud to bring home to your family.And so well spoken, and not over the top, yet, not boring... There is something to you and i sense sincerity and kindness and the face had me at first glance so i hope you have a heart or you may end up carving mine out (for lunch!)Bring it back, blonde. Kennedy

I replied and asked if that was a stock message he sends to all the ladies :)

Message 2:
Hi there, gentle and yet sublimely hot and curvy wonder woman of this absurd little jetty of internet dating (.com)No, that was not a "stock love rant". If it were so, i would have to have a team of scientists matching it to the DNA of each subject to make sure they are precisely astonished at the exact moment of pheremonal activity or something. Or wait, that was overthought. In other words, I write for a living, and sometimes stuff pours out of my heart, through my stupid mouth, and sometimes--if you are wildly attractive and non-psychotic, you will see it as a kind of absurd gift that someone with my blinding romantic acumen in writing women of your clear eloquence and grace can pull off in moments of pure inspiration. Call it a gift, a curse, but yeah, in less time than it took you to read this rant, i wrote the other one. I would only write you original, in-the-moment, experiental, non-tangential, and always entertaining prose. In lieu, of course, of actually being in your presence, coercing you with****ails, and aiming my laser beam movie smile in your direction occasional to inpsire giddy femininity, hair twirling, and possible hallucinations (or gagging). Either way, you are defintely tall enough to ride the Kennedy Ride, so buckle up, and question the sincerity and inspiration again at the peril of being bored by the other weiners on this system, I daresay (sips martini)with a slightly raised eyebrow,and a dazzling smile. Kennedy

I wrote him back and told him I was convinced his message to me wasn't a mass e-mail, and asked him what he wanted to know about me.

Message 3:
Thank you for the digital rose.[note: HE sent me a digital rose, it just got sent back to him when I replied!] I'll go put it in a digital vase and we can run off together digitally somewhere and have really great virtual sex! You are so good. Your joystick really is aptly named, she said (audience groans). Hey fire the writer!What do i want to know? Hmm. How many dates a week you go on. Are you looking for the same bone structure (perfect, presidential) for your guy (who i imagine would also be tall, rich and handsome, and not talk a lot like me). Have you sold your soul and lost your mind working in politics. Do you know Gavin's wife-to-be? Do you think Obama will get in or Hillary, (or McCain??). Do you have any STD's including the euphemized "Cold sores" (okay, sweetie, that's herpes). do you have a pet you talk baby talk to. Got anger issues? Germ phobic? Do you drink excessively? What anti-depressants are you on? Are you mormon, religiously fanatical, and would you fly a paper airplaine into my house of cards to prove a point? All those being joke questions really, you can see the gist of my jib, or the cut of my gist, or the jab of my boom, or the boom of my bluster. Either way, you light a fire under this writer. I daresay you should get your butt onto a nearby cushy barstool and help me put it out with some drinks (he said smoothly).What do YOU want to know?Kennedy

Dreamin'

I had a very vivid dream last night that I met a guy, who I wasn't that into, but for some reason agreed to go with him on vacation to Canada. While on the plane ride, I started to really fall for him. At some point during the trip, he disappeared - he totally ditched me! I was very confused and was trying to find him. When we disembarked in Toronto, he was nowhere to be found. After I woke up, I thought to myself, why am I so concerned about this? This sort of thing happens to me all the time. I meet a guy, I start to like him, and he never calls me again, for no reason I am aware of.

Adorable

I went on a second date tonight with a guy who thinks I'm adorable. He told me that several times while saying goodbye to me. He is leaving the ball completely in my court and told me that he would like to pursue dating me but that I have to call him. He was very straightforward, I have to give him credit for that. He is intelligent and funny and a good conversationalist, and I guess kind of cute. He is tall and has good hair and dresses well. He's a little metrosexual but I'm fairly assured that he's not gay. He is almost 35 and has a good job. He is divorced and has a little daughter. I'm not sure how attracted to him I am. I am wondering if him thinking I'm adorable is reason enough to go out with him again. Seeing as how I don't really have any other options for the time being, I'm thinking "yes".

I went out with the Aussie on Thursday night in the city and as always, had a fabulous time. I met him at his apt. and we walked into the Presidio. We had dinner at the Presidio Social Club. We went to Balboa Cafe after for a beer. Then I took a cab back to my hotel and he walked home. I found out he is kind of seeing someone but he made it sound as though it wasn't serious at all. So, once again, I go out with him and feel like he just likes me as a friend, although I think he does give off the occasional mixed signal. Who knows.

There is a guy who lives in So Cal who I've met a couple of times (friend of a friend) who I think is very cute and smart, etc. but he lives far away so I haven't really thought about it. I spoke to him on the phone yesterday for about an hour and may have the chance to see him sometime this spring. So, that could be interesting. A friendship, if nothing else.

Time to go to bed - have to be in the office early tomorrow morning because we are hosting a breakfast for hundreds of people. Crazy. At least I'm not directly involved, I will just have to smile and be friendly. Granted, this is difficult to do early in the morning.