Details for Monday, December 10, 2007

My alarm went off at 6:45 this morning. I was unwilling to wake up because I was still tired, my bed was warm, and the cat hadn't started begging for food yet. I got up at about 7 a.m. and felt like I was getting a cold or had allergies. I'm still not sure which is the case but either way it's not enjoyable. I took a shower and picked out an outfit. I settled on a nice, new suit that I just picked up from the dry cleaner on Friday. I blew dry my hair and left it straight (as opposed to putting it in curlers, which I do about half the time). I had already packed my lunch and my bag for work the night before, so the morning was not too hectic. Oh yeah, I did feed the cat. I walked out the door at 8:10 and caught the 8:18 light rail train bound for downtown. The light rail is about 2.5 blocks from my house. Train takes 6 minutes to reach my destination. I got off the train and went to La Bou for a bagel. I was starving. Although the scale told me this morning that I weighed about 4 lbs more than I want to, I still felt the need to eat a high-calorie, high-carb breakfast. Go figure. The office is about one block from La Bou and the train stop. Very convenient. I get into the office and see two huge platters of Noah's Bagels. Yum! How exciting. Even though I had a bagel already. Noah's is of much better quality than La Bou. I ate half a cinnamon-sugar bagel from Noah's (messy!) and then still ate the bagel I got. I also bought some chocolate mocha mix from Safeway yesterday, and I had two mugs of that. I spent quite a bit of time checking emails and doing personal work but now it's 11:18 a.m. and I have done some substantive work. I am leaving in about an hour to go home and get my car and drive to Oakland for a meeting. Afterward I plan to do some Christmas shopping for family members. So far, whenever I've attempted to shop for others, I only buy things for myself. That has to change. I'll have to continue this later. Need to call my boss and complete any preparation work to get ready for the meeting this afternoon. I also need to fill out my expense report for last month so I can get my reimbursement check.

(continued...) I went home and scarfed down some lunch, then drove to Oakland. I ran into some knarly traffic in Vacaville and thought I'd be late for the meeting, but luckily I arrived about 15 minutes early and everything worked out perfectly. Meeting went well. Afterward, went to get coffee with my boss and we discussed office gossip. My plan was to do some Xmas shopping. I stayed in Oakland and bought a gift (soup cookbook) for my mom. Then I headed for Walnut Creek but got a little lost in downtown Oakland, trying to find the 24 freeway. I called my friend Krista, who got online and helped steer me in the right direction. I went to Walnut Creek, which has a really beautiful downtown shopping area. It's especially nice this time of year, because the street are lined with trees, decorated with white lights. I was able to do some shopping for people other than myself, which was my goal. I left Walnut Creek, but first got lost trying to find the freeway. Of course. I figured it out on my own fairly quickly and wanted to be back home by 9:30 so I could watch one of my favorite shows, Notes from the Underbelly. I got in at about 9:35, so not bad. I watched the show, had some dinner (and ice cream), fed the cat, changed into pajamas, and was in bed by about 10:30. Pretty busy and long day, but mostly spent in transit, driving and stuck in traffic. At least I wasn't at my desk all day.

I love this song!!

Everything's Magic...by Angels and Airwaves

And do you ever feel like you're alone?
And do you ever wish to be unknown?
I could say that I have..
I could say that I have..
And do you ever feel things here aren't right?
And do you ever feel the time slip by?
I can say that I have..
And I can say that I have..

So hear this please
And watch as your heart speeds up endlessly
And look for the stars as the sun goes down
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound
Everything, everything's magic
Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride
And reach out your hand, and i'll make you mine
Everything, everything's magic

And do you ever lay awake at night?
And do you ever tell yourself don't try?
Don't try to let yourself downDon't try to let yourself down
And do you ever see yourself in love?
And do you ever take a chance, my love?
Because you know that I will..Because you know that I will..

So hear this please
And watch as your hearts speeds up endlessly
And look for the stars as the sun goes down
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound
Everything, everything's magic
Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride
And reach out your hand, and i'll make you mine
Everything, everything's magic
Everything, everything's magic

So hear this please
And watch as your hearts speeds up endlessly
And look for the stars as the sun goes down
Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound
Everything, everything's magic
Just sit back and hold on, but hold on tight
Prepare for the best and the fastest ride
And reach out your hand, and I'll make you mine
Everything, everything's magic

LOVE it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bFvDAng3sA

Moving ON!

So, I had three dates over the weekend. With three different guys. None of whom are 40-year old stoners. Yay!

A few helpful rules for men

“Casual” Dating 101

When you are NOT looking to get into a relationship…

DO NOT

say “you’ve met me at the perfect time. I’m emotionally and mentally available.”
introduce her to your son
leave a bunch of your stuff over at her apartment
make future plans with her
spend tons of time with her and stay over at her place a lot


Why? Because if you do these things, you risk misleading her into thinking you want something more serious.

DO

indicate to her that you are dating others
let her know you are not ready to get into a relationship
be honest!


Other, general dating DON’Ts

Hypothetical Situation: the girl you are dating helps to arrange for you to be the featured artist at a weekend exhibit. The event takes place in a venue where you and the girl spent time together on the first night you met. One of the girl’s best friends works at the venue. Unfortunately, neither the girl nor her friend can attend, as they are both out of town that weekend.

At this event:

Do NOT, under any circumstances, pick up on the co-worker of the good friend of the girl you are dating.

[Also, as an aside, do not pick up on ANY of the girl’s friends. This should be common sense, but sadly, sometimes is not. Especially when alcohol is involved.]

Do NOT make out in public places with the co-worker of the girl’s good friend.

Do not bring presents to the co-worker in her place of work (remember, the girl’s good friend ALSO works there).

Most of all, do NOT invite the co-worker to come over and spend the night at your house the night before you and the girl are going on a weekend trip together.

Summary: IF you choose to date several women at once, make sure they DO NOT know each other. Remember, Sacramento is a small town!

Room for Rent, Prefer Young College-Aged Female

Check out the creepy craigslist posting he submitted to try to find a roommate for the new house he is planning to move into:

I'm an artist and single father of a 9 year old boy, living in a large 3&2 with big front & back yards. I've moved in to increase my painting space - I'm using the garage... Though, it is a bit too expensive for me - so I'm looking for a short or long term renter to help out. I'd prefer a female student athlete or otherwise pro-active female(good example of a woman for my son)... FYI, I work for the Sacramento Convention & Visitors Bureau, and Maloof Sports & Entertainment. Holla! Let's chat... 916-549-2749.

Things he neglected to mention:
1) he is 40 yrs old
2) he smokes pot constantly
3) he will paint in the house, NOT in the garage
4) he has a thing for much younger women
5) he is totally messy and has really old, ugly and gross furniture, not to mention that his artwork, of varying quality, will be displayed on every wall of the house
6) I'm suprised he didn't say "I'm 6'5", a former model and actor, tan, physically fit, I play soccer and go kayaking, I cook sushi and like to give massages..."

This is too good not to post on the blog

Background: I decided I really needed to get rid of the artist guy. I thought I could keep him around, but ultimately it wasn't working for me. Plus, I knew that he wasn't feeling it anymore either. I asked him if we could meet and he tried to put me off till next week. I said fine, then I changed my mind and sent him an email asking if we could meet sooner and that I was annoyed he was not making an effort. I said I had a number of things on my mind and needed to talk with him. This is what he wrote back!

Hi Michele, I feel ya! Please forgive me..."It's not you! It's me!" (How 'bout that for a classically over used generic blah!):-( ...I have a broken heart and I can't seem to get it healthy again... When I first met you - I was trying really hard not to focus on "it", but rather I was trying to forget and just move on... You stunned me. 'So, beautiful and smart and interested in who I was. You are awesome! Though, quickly the haunting returned and I tried to ignore it, but I failed. Now I am beating myself up and hiding myself as not to bother others with my self-pitiful dronings... I have NEVER felt such heart ache for soooo long. Maybe it's 'cause my mom isn't around to coo and tell me what I need to hear. I feel crazy blaming "hate"... then waves of "love"... then cascading self-doubt... then illogical hope.... then self-blame... and some where along the way, I remember life is sooo awesome! And that my son is depending on me to show him Love and teach him how to heal and be pro-active. Bottom line is that I feel a little "crazy" these daze, and helplessly heart broken. Please forgive me... I thought I could "move on"...You are awesome. 'Truly a class act! You are fun, smart, sexy,adventurous, generous, grateful, humble, loyal, trust worthy, I could go on & on... :-) I've already gone through 5 tissues at this point... So, I'd better get back to work before folk start noticing! Plus, I've got a 11:30am in Folsom - doh! Gotta go!!! Michele, I am sorry to confuse and frustrate you. You are super to me...Love bless - b

Infidelity

Lately it seems like I keep encountering examples of real-life infidelity everywhere. Has it become so common to be unfaithful that it’s become acceptable, sometimes even expected? What are the incentives for staying loyal? Are people in relationships so insecure that they need to constantly seek outside approval to prove to themselves that they are still desirable? Never having been in a really serious or committed relationship, I’m not personally familiar with the monotony of being with the same person for a number of years. From what people tell me, marriage or other long-term relationships go through cycles and periods of ups and downs. Realizing this and having the patience to wait out the not-so-good times is what makes a lot of relationships work. I think Americans have this incredibly romantic ideal of love that is also unrealistic in the long run. Extramarital affairs of political figures and celebrities are splashed everywhere in the news, making infidelity much more public than it was in the past. Perhaps people have always been as disloyal as they are now, but it’s more acceptable to discuss now? I’m not sure. I have friends who are involved with married men. I know a woman who has been having an affair with a married man for years and years. I just heard about a woman who is 50, never married, who is involved with a married man. I have dated a lot of guys who’ve been cheated on by girlfriends and wives. My friend’s aunt and uncle, who’ve been married for 25 + years and have two grown children, recently split because he was having an affair with his young secretary. Cliché, but true. Another friend told me that at least three of the guys he works with cheat on their wives. One is supposedly “reformed.” A gay friend told a story of running into a guy he’d been intimate with. He said hello to him and the guy gave him the death stare. My friend quickly realized that the guy was with his wife. Oops. So, what is the point of my observations? Just another reason to avoid marriage. I feel, what’s the point? If it’s so acceptable to cheat, if loyalty is a value that people just don’t possess. What’s the incentive for staying true to one person? A lot of men have told me that the only reason to get married is if you want kids. That is not a very appealing thought – that guys get married just to have kids. Because, you can still be a parent and love your children while cheating on your spouse. In this day and age, cheating is a serious health concern too. STDs are incredibly common. It seems like people who cheat have a variety of excuses for why they do so. The people they cheat with, who are also committing adultery, also have a litany of excuses that make them feel OK about what they’re doing, who they’re hurting. Do they believe their own excuses?

House!

I’m taking the plunge and becoming a homeowner. I know, this was always one of my biggest fears – the ultimate commitment. But, I’ve thought about it and thought about it and I happened to find a place I really liked, and it just seemed like the right thing to do. I’m not even freaked out about it. Not a bit. I haven’t quite come to terms with the fact that this means I have to move out of my apartment, though. I have a lot of stuff and I don’t know that I want all of my crap to migrate with me to the new place. Doesn’t seem to be the best way to get a fresh start. If everything goes as planned, escrow will close around the middle of November, giving me plenty of time to move my things. I think it’s a whole mile and a half away, something like that. The house is actually a halfplex, which I learned is like a duplex except each half is independently owned. So, yes, some of the walls are shared, but I think the construction is such that noise won’t be a problem. The house was built in 1986, making it about 40 years newer than most of the homes in the neighborhood. It’s a 2-story stucco building, with no yard to speak of, which is fine by me. No lawn mowing! It has 2 bedrooms and one and a half baths. The home is very contemporary and has an urban loft feel to it. All of the walls are white and there are windows everywhere. There is dark gray carpet, a lot of tile, and hardwood floors in the bedrooms. I will be needing a roommate, but I’ve come to terms with that too. It’ll be worth it. Right?

Pinch Hitters

During a lengthy manalysis at a local café this afternoon, my very wise friend C.A. observed that all of us are dating “pinch hitters” – men who we don’t see a future with, and sometimes don’t even particularly like – while we continue to keep our options open, hoping still to meet the “right” guy. She also says “you can’t meet Mr. Right when you’re sleeping with Mr. Retarded.” Hm. Is that true? Or can you keep seeing the wrong guy as long as you are open to meeting others? I’m going to be testing this hypothesis very soon. Starting this week, in fact. As long as the emotional connection is minor or non-existent, I see no reason why this can’t be done. Some may ask, why continue to see someone if you know deep down (or, on the immediate surface, whatever) that he is not a keeper? We all agreed that the number one reason is attention. Naturally, it’s flattering and addictive to be wanted by an attractive man, regardless of his ultimate intentions. Or marriage status, in some instances (I wouldn’t know anything about that, of course). Physical intimacy ranks somewhere at the top of the list too. But what it really comes down to is that we don’t have anything (well, anyone) else going on. That’s probably the top excuse for dating a less-than-desirable guy – not having any better options at the moment. That’s my justification, absolutely. As long as I’m still having fun with my pinch-hitter and there are no full-season replacements on deck, I see no reason to drop him permanently from the lineup.

For my loyal readers (all 4 or 5 of you), you’ve probably caught on that I’m referring specifically to the artist guy. I think I’ll just refer to him as “PH” from now on (for pinch hitter). Yeah, I admit I was really into him in the beginning. But I’ve learned a lot about him since then. Too much, probably! He is so into himself, in fact, that it’s practically all he talks about. We went away for the weekend together and had a very enlightening conversation in the car on the way home today about how unless he has an “agreement” with a woman stating that they are exclusive, he’s not loyal to anyone. This blunt revelation, coupled with some specific details I recently learned about his dating life, required me to quietly reflect on what the hell I’m doing dating him. My initial thought was that I have to get rid of him immediately. Then I thought some more and decided, why should I dump him now? I’m having fun, and he’s hot. I like the attention and he treats me well when we’re together. As long as I don’t feel a strong emotional connection to him and can accept the relationship for what it is, why not keep seeing him? Just not as often, is all. Until now, he’s taken up too much of my time for this thing to be considered (in my mind, and probably by most accounts) a “casual” dating relationship. According to my day planner, I’ve known him for 72 days (as of today, Sunday the 21st of October) and I’ve seen him 25 times. That’s an average of every 3 days. That’s not casual!! Anyway -- I need to move on and establish some rules that enable me to keep seeing him but also allow me the freedom to get out and meet other guys that might be better suited for me.

Mini-Break

I remember Bridget Jones being excited at the prospect of taking a "mini-break" or weekend trip with her new guy - she saw it as a sign of the relationship becoming more serious and also as a way to know if it'll work out if you can actually survive a few days of being with someone 24-7. Before I left for China, I told B. that I wanted us to go somewhere and spend a weekend together when I got back. He's the one who followed up and made suggestions for where we could go. We decided on Tahoe and I booked a room in Stateline for Friday and Saturday. Weather may be crappy but I'm sure we'll figure out ways to stay amused.

So, people are pretty curious about this and as far as I know, no, we're not officially exclusive -- and if that topic is to come up in conversation, it'll have to be initiated by him and not me. I don't even know what's appropriate between adults who are 33 and 40 years old and dating. It seems unlikely that he's going to ask me to go steady, you know? Maybe these things are just assumed at some point. I dunno! Do I want him to be my b-friend? Maybe I don't know that either. I definitely don't want to share him, but that's different. Isn't it? In any event, I always have fun when I'm around him and I'm sure that'll be the case this weekend.

Houses

I might buy a house soon! How exciting. And scary. I think I'm ready to take the plunge, though. Hopefully I'lll choose well and the place will be a good medium to long term investment. Funny thing about housebuying, everyone wants to give you advice. I kind of wish people would do this when we make other long-term, possibly life-changing decisions. When friends or family members get engaged to people we don't approve of, isn't it tempting to pull them aside and say "you know, maybe you should wait another 6 months or even a year! A lot of things can change in the market between now and then..." This might actually be a good idea! No, I appreciate the thoughtful advice from people who've been through the process, but ultimately when you find a place you really like, and you think it's a good deal, and you feel emotionally ready to buy a place, you just have to go for it. And not tell your friends and family :-)

Last Woman Standing

I flew down to LA the day after I got back from China to go to my good friend Devon's wedding in Laguna Niguel. I think knowing I had this wedding to go to really motivated me to get over my jet lag! Otherwise I could still be laying around the house, sleeping all day long. Now it's Sunday night at 11 p.m. and I'm fully awake, back on a normal schedule after only a couple of days. Not bad. I was really excited to see Devon and Randy get married. I had not had a chance to meet Randy beforehand but I heard a lot about him from Devon and I knew he was a great guy, so I am really happy for both of them. I also got to see a couple of friends from USC who I hadn't seen for probably 10-11 years. They traveled from DC and Texas for the wedding. I couldn't help but pointing out to Devon that thanks to her, I'm now officially the last one of our group of friends from 'SC who isn't married!

I'll post some pics soon - this blogger is experiencing problems with images.

Back from China

Just recently returned from a week in Hong Kong and Shanghai. I love to travel, but organizing a trip like this for an elected official is very stressful! I am so happy and relieved to be home. Don't get me wrong, I felt very fortunate and grateful to get to visit Asia, but I had very little free time. Well, I did have time to do a little sightseeing in Hong Kong.

This is a photo I took from the sky terrace up on Victoria Peak, one of the highest points on Hong Kong island. This is just a small portion of the thousands of skyscrapers and highrise apartment buildings in HK. It's beautiful and a bit overwhelming! It was really hot and humid there - about 90 degrees every day and it never got cold at night. I also took the ferry across Victoria Harbor to the Kowloon side, to see the view of HK island, where I was staying. Unfortunately, the air pollution was really bad and it was hard to see buildings that were right across the harbor. Sad. The next day I took a city bus across the island to Stanley Market, a well-known market where tourists go to buy cheap souvenirs and trinkets. I was a little disappointed in the market. It wasn't as big as I thought it would be and the bargains weren't all that great either. I didn't see much worth buying. The bus ride over there was the best part of the journey. It was nice to get to see more of the island than just high rises, although they are everywhere, including in the beach resorts near Stanley.

After 4.5 days in Hong Kong, we took off for Shanghai, a 2.5 hour flight north. Shanghai is an even bigger city than Hong Kong, with anywhere from 16 to 20 million people, depending who you ask. It's just a huge, modern mega-city with miles and miles of new skyscrapers and high rise condo buildings, but mixed in with a lot of older buildings too. Shanghai is more China than Hong Kong, but I was told that the rest of China is really nothing like Shanghai. I had zero time to shop and sightsee in Shanghai but I did get a few photos from my hotel, from a super tall office building, and from the riverfront where we stopped one day for an ice cream break. A highlight in Shanghai was taking the super-fast MagLev train from downtown to the airport. The train, one of the fastest in the world, hits a top speed of 430 km/hour. That's 267 mph! The distance to the airport is 30 km, and the trip took about 7 minutes. It was pretty amazing to speed through the city that fast.

So, I'm really glad that I had the opportunity to visit Asia and see some of China, but I'm not sure if I would go back on my own. Hong Kong and Shanghai are not that different from any other modern big city, like New York. Plus, China's such a long trip! I think I'll travel closer to home for a while.

I have decided that I am a very confused individual. This is not meant to be a profound statement by any means, nor do I assume that others are not as confused or more confused than me. I think this state of confusion exists in many of us because we are confronted with such a variety of choices - many more so than our parents had available to them, for example. Last week I put an offer on a house. Then I changed my mind, and let the counteroffer expire. I feel totally relieved! Just two months ago, I was fantasizing about living in San Francisco, at least part time. I even searched for apartments for rent and went to go look at one. I gave it some serious consideration. I was going to be this cool bi-city chick. Not to be confused with a bi chick. Even tho we're talking about SF. No, I had this whole plan to spend more time in the city and try to date guys there as a part-time resident. Not that you have to establish residency to be allowed to date someone, but I look at this in the same way I do applying for jobs. It's difficult to get a job in a city where you're not currently living, right? Well, the same theory can be applied to boyfriends. Guys who live in SF can hardly be bothered to leave the city limits. And why would they? Everything is there. Maybe they'll make the trek to Tahoe during snowboarding season, otherwise they are staying put. Drive to Sacramento? Riiiight.

So I was considering renting a room in an apartment in the Mission. But I learned that there was no way I could convince my employer to reimburse for for any or all of the cost, even though - I reasoned - it would cost them less than putting me up in a hotel 4 times a month, which is how often I plan on staying over in the city for work. Whatever. Some rules make no sense.

Then, in mid-August, I met this super hot guy and have been spending a lot of time with him. Not a hot SF guy, a hot Sactown guy. Yeah, they exist! They are few and far between, but apparently they are out there. However, the hotness comes with a lot of other qualities that are maybe not so desirable for a "good" girl like myself. (Details will have to be shared in an entirely separate posting). Now I am wondering, do I still want to pursue moving to SF? Or would I be willing to make the sacrifice and stay in Sac if I had a relationship with a great guy? I'm not really even referring to the current dude, just pondering on this in general. And the thought of not being mobile, of not having the option to up and move to Europe or Papua New Guinea or wherever I feel like going, is scary to me. Like, restricting-feeling.

I could use the same feeling to describe the thought of becoming a homeowner. Buying a house, to me, is like admitting I'm going to be in the same place for a long time. And that is a frightening thought, because keeping my options open and staying flexible is really important to me. I joke around and say it's due to a fear of commitment, but that is what it boils down to.

Like with the guy - on one hand, I want him to declare his exclusive adoration of me and tell me I am the only woman in his life. But, I still kinda want to go out with other guys, in case he changes his mind. Keep a back-up option around. Fortunately for me, I have not been confronted with this problem, it is only in my mind. The main thing is that I desperately don't want to get my feelings hurt, so I try to not have any feelings. Or convince myself that I don't. I know this is normal. But I wonder if I think about it too much? Who knows. Who decides what is normal, anyway?

If I'm not dating anyone seriously, I feel I can still keep some of my dreams alive. Like my ultimate career goal of being a diplomat, and my life/vacation goal of saving up enough money to travel around the world for a year. Yeah! Adventure is what it's all about. Now, it would be nice to meet someone who'd support the career goal and say that he'd move to Nepal or Moldova for me, or who shares my passion for travel and can say, screw work and the rat race for a year. But for now, I have to be OK with the idea of doing these things on my own.

So...to buy a house or pay rent indefinitely? To pursue romantic entanglements and risk heartbreak or allow myself only meaningless flings and flirtations (with younger men, no doubt)?

Whenever I get too worried about things like this, I force myself to think about all of the people in the world who have actual problems. And then I feel kind of silly. But, also - I do feel better. Time to get ready for bed.

Second Thoughts

The tide seems to have turned on my new job. I was pretty lucky over the summer – no working late, low stress, interesting projects, etc. I also wasn’t getting a paycheck – but fortunately that got resolved. This week things have started to suck and I’m having second thoughts. Kind of scary because I had planned on staying at this job for quite a while. I think the main problem is my boss, the guy who I report directly to. He and I have very different styles. He seems to be of the (in my opinion) false notion that I’m his personal secretary and it’s causing me to feel bitterness toward him. Not good. He’ll call me from his office in SF and ask me to call people and set up meetings for him. What? In that time, he could have done it himself. I don’t get it. I think it’s also a gender thing. I feel that if I were a guy, he wouldn’t treat me that way. He is a 61 year old man who is independently wealthy and doesn’t even need to work. That pisses me off, too! I would like to think that jobs should be reserved for those who need to work in order to pay the rent, mortgage, grocery bill, etc. But that’s just me. He is kind of fatherly toward me, which is OK. He has been making an effort to get to know me. But, in a way, I prefer to keep my work and personal lives separate. He sees himself as a “mentor” to me. But I didn’t ask him to be my mentor. I don’t think I need a mentor and if I did, it wouldn’t be him. He expressed frustration that I haven’t gotten tasks done that should have already been finished. See, I do all the work. I think he just sits around making to-do lists that he reads aloud to me. Seriously, I can’t think of what he does. I do have respect for him because I know he’s very intelligent, he is a good writer and he has strong analytical thinking and reasoning skills. But if he expects to loll around in his office with his feet up on the desk while I toil away, this is not going to work out in the long run. I don’t see him going anywhere because he’s a trusted, longtime advisor of the big boss. However, I see myself as a valuable member of the team as well. I’m just going to wait and see what happens in the next month or so, after the international trip is over, and I may have to have a frank discussion with him. He’d be totally screwed if I left, and he probably knows it. I’m going to consider keeping my options open, job-wise. Who you work with is so important, especially if you work so closely on a daily basis with one person.

Back in Business

OK, I finally found a wireless internet connection. Some unsuspecting neighbor is kindly allowing me to "borrow" some bandwidth. It's Friday night and what am I doing? Well, I am sitting on the couch, naked - let me explain - because I just applied some self-tanner and I need it to dry before I go to bed. That's all! I'm watching one of my favorite movies, Love Actually. It's at the end - the best part, where everything falls into place.

So, I've actually been dating the same guy for a record-breaking 27 days. Pretty crazy. I'm still liking him more all the time - strange for me, usually it's the opposite (reference Derek, the guy in SF). I continue to think this one's totally wrong for me, in a long-term sense, but I'm still having FUN! Yay. I'm just concerned that this blog might get a bit dull for a while...

Danger!

Crap. I'm starting to actually like this guy. And the more time I spend with him, the more I like him. Darn it. I hate when that happens.

My new Motto

My new motto is short and simple, comprised of three little words: HAVE MORE FUN! Natalie's suggestion to me to "not think too much" is the key to making sure I follow my own advice. Problem is, it's kinda hard to turn off this brain of mine! But, I'm trying, I'm trying. Case in point - new guy, the artist dude. If I allow myself to think about it, I know he's totally wrong for me. But turn off the brain and just permit myself to enjoy it (or him, rather) while it/he lasts - that's what I'm gonna do. If you could see him...or if you have seen him...you'd understand completely :) Oh my gosh. Last night when he was over, I was in the kitchen pouring some water and he had taken his shirt off, and he stood in the doorway between the room where my bed is and the kitchen and was holding onto the doorframe and his gorgeous, tan, tall, body was stretched out and I just looked and him and kind of melted. Oh my gosh. That picture is going to be etched in my mind for a while. Plus the fact that he came over to see me, knowing I was sick, and he wasn't going to get any. He said he just wanted to be next to me. Do I fall for this stuff? Totally! Going to see him tonight, and tomorrow, and we have plans on Tuesday - and I am so having more fun.

Socialites

Contrary to popular belief, single people like myself don’t necessarily have wild and crazy social lives. Truthfully, the older I get, the more often I find myself hanging out at home and relaxing on the couch as opposed to going out and drinking and flirting. Take this weekend for example. I tried to get some friends to meet me at concert in the park on Friday evening after work, but it didn’t happen. I ended up going for a long walk with Carolyn instead, then going home and reading three magazines while watching “School of Rock” playing on Fox. I think I ended up going to sleep at around 11 p.m. Pretty exciting!

My friends and I actually had a number of social obligations on Saturday night, however. We were pretty excited about this and conveniently, all three parties were within about 5 blocks of each other, making getting around pretty easy. We started off at a wedding reception for some friends who got married recently in Hawaii. Free drinks and appetizers, sweet. Checking our watches, we headed out to party #2, a wine and art reception at a new downtown winery. Another of our friends invited us, she was helping the artist to promote his work. We walked in and I asked her who the artist was, expecting some effeminate “artsy” guy and was surprise when she pointed out a tall, dark, and handsome guy, dressed preppy in khakis and a button down shirt. All of a sudden I became a great patron of the arts J We all hung out there for an hour or so, and two of my friends ended up buying art. They convinced him to come with us to the next party, our friend’s birthday shindig. Yeah – he left his own party to come with us, cool. The birthday party was great. It was in this beautiful old, renovated empty apartment that is going to be a salon. Perfect setting for a party, and they had a bartender and a DJ. I stayed fairly close to the artist, desiring to learn more about this hottie and his many “passions” that inspire his art. Sure, his compliments were a little on the cheesy side, but I needed a little ego boost after my rejection by the blind date, right? Plus, like I mentioned, I do like to support the arts. And local artists. He told me he would call me tonight, so we’ll see. But, wow, he is nice to look at. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again.

Rejection

Based on the way my date with the hot dad went last weekend, I was pretty sure he was interested in me and that he would call me. All the signs were there. He complimented me on my appearance (he did not have to do this). He was the one who wanted to extend the date and keep it going. After dinner, he could have easily begged off with an excuse that he had to get up early the next morning for something or other. When I invited him in for dessert, he could have declined, after all, it was already 1 a.m. Then, when he was leaving, he said something about wanting to take me out again. Taking all of this into consideration, I don’t think it was unreasonable to expect a phone call. So I have compiled a list of possible reasons for why he has not called:

1. he got in a car accident on the way home to Folsom and was recovering in the hospital
2. assuming #1 is true, he has contracted amnesia and doesn’t remember a thing about me or our date
3. or, as a result of the accident, his cell phone was destroyed and he lost my number
4. let’s say there was no accident, but after thinking the evening over, he decided that I am way too beautiful/smart/funny for him and he is terribly intimidated by me
5. thus, he is going to check with Vanessa and see if she has any more friends to set him up with

Unfortunately, I’ll never know, unless he decides to share his reasoning with Vanessa. Oh well! Like I said before, at least it was fun and interesting night.

The Set-up

I've noticed that married people take a great interest in trying to get their single friends paired off. It's like they've joined a cult and their main purpose is getting others to follow suit. Right?? My dear (and married) friend Vanessa only has my best interests at heart, I’m sure. Apparently she’s not satisfied with any of the guys I meet on my own (usually younger men). She’s always promoting some way for me to meet new guys, usually online dating sites like match.com or eharmony.com. She always has success stories to use as examples and support her cause. I’ve joked with her that she should get a job in marketing for a dating service – she’d do well! So I wasn’t terribly surprised to get a very enthusiastic voice mail from her one day, claiming that she knew a guy who I HAD to meet. Turned out he is a “hot dad” who she knows from her day care center. She said I need to meet an older, established guy who is “domesticated.” I was skeptical from the get-go, not only because he has kids but because he lives in the ‘burbs. So far removed from my cosmopolitan, big-city lifestyle, right? Ha. I convinced myself I wouldn’t like him or have anything in common with him. I told myself he was probably a Bible-beating Bush-supporting right-winger. At least I set my expectations to zero – not a bad idea when it comes to blind dates, based on my prior experience.

She told Hot Dad about me and gave him my number. He called, we had a good conversation, and we made plans to go out this Saturday (last night). He showed up at my door at 8:30 p.m. and the first thing I thought was “he’s really cute!” The second thought was “he’s kind of short.” But, the cuteness made up for his lack of height. We walked from my place to a nearby restaurant and had a nice dinner, then moved on to a microbrewery place and had some beers (just one for me, low-tolerance and small bladder girl). We walked back to my apartment and I invited him in for dessert. No, really. I had baked a pear cobbler earlier in the day. Talk about domesticated. Anyway, he was definitely interested in the dessert. Maybe he thought I had something else in mind?? He ended up staying and hanging out till about 2 a.m. Just talking, I swear. He gave me a hug goodbye and said something about wanting to take me out again. He didn’t say “I’ll call you” which nearly always means they won’t, so maybe that’s a good sign? Who knows. If it turns out that this was just a one time thing, I’m satisfied that it was a nice evening. And if he does want to go out again, that’s totally cool with me. After all, I learned he is not into church and he’s not a right-winger. Meaning, this guy’s got potential!

Since My Last Post...

...a lot has happened! I received a job offer that I was very, very excited about. That meant I had to quit my old job - something I was very, very nervous about. But I didn't need to be. My boss was cool. I started my new job at the end of June and I'm pretty pleased about the way things have gone, so far. At first, it was an interesting transition to go from being someone's supervisor to being the supervisee, and having someone else be in charge and make the decisions. But, considering I'm working fewer hours, have waaaay less stress and pressure, and I'm making more money, this was something I quickly got over.

What else has happened? Well, in the larger scheme of things, two of my friends had babies in the last two months. Another friend is newly pregnant. Two of my friends moved away to Texas. One of my good friends, who has been single for at least as long as I have, met a guy and now they're "official." Good for her! She deserves to meet a great guy. I really did finally send an email to Mark and...never got a response. Not surprisingly. I went on a fun trip to Vancouver, BC with Blake, Carolyn, Susan and Shannon S. I went on a weekend trip to Visalia to visit Katie, Dan, Jacob, Luke and Erik. Katie and I went on a day trip to Sequoia National Park and saw the biggest tree in the world, the General Sherman. Pretty cool! I have been to SF many times in the last two months. On several of those occasions, I did see Derek. I have finally admitted to myself what I knew previously to be true, but did not want to admit, that it's just not there. Totally cool guy, very intellectual and intelligent and interesting, not to mention super-cute, but I'm not for him. And he's not for me. At least I tried.

I plan on being in SF on a regular basis for work, and I'm thinking seriously about arranging a little pied-a-terre in the city. Since my work will be paying for me to stay in a hotel anyway, I figure I may as well look into renting a room in an apartment, and having a place to keep some belongings. This way, I can figure out whether I may want to live there full-time or not. Living in SF has always been one of my dreams, and this is a way to test it out and see if I want to take the plunge. Of course, that would mean never, ever buying real estate. For me, that may be OK. Homeownership, while a must for many people, has never been something at the top of my list. However, for the time, I do plan on remaining in Sacramento, where it is entirely possible to purchase real estate. I've been doing some research and establishing my priorities. I think I'd like to buy a place and rent out a room to help with the mortgage. Now it's just a matter of learning what I can qualify for and figuring out if I can afford to buy something in the neighborhoods I find desirable. I'm not particularly interested in buying the perfect house and creating a little nest for myself. It's more about whether the place will be a good medium to long term investment. In other words, will I be able to sell the place in 10 years and make enough money to finally pay off my student loans?? My current options for ridding myself of debt are the following: 1) win the Lotto, 2) find some rich guy to marry, or 3) buy real estate and be patient for 10 years or so.

Time to go to bed...

R-E-L-I-E-F

Relief, because my big event at work is OVER. Thank goodness. I had been thinking this day would never come. All of my dreams, when I was able to fall asleep, have been about the event. Now that it's done with, I feel relieved. I do feel a sense of accomplishment, things went pretty well. Most of all, I feel kind of free - as in, I've fulfilled my obligation and now I can think about moving on without any guilt or attachment. I left work today at about 5:15 p.m. and felt really weird about that. Yesterday, my day was just getting busy at about 5 p.m. and that's after having been at the office since 8:30 a.m. I worked until midnight last night so leaving while it was still light out was really strange. Tonight I'm doing whatever I want, which is basically nothing. I got some Thai takeout and turned on the TV. I was searching for something mindless and entertaining and found That 70s Show on Channel 4. Followed by King of the Hill. Perfect! And the wine I bought at Boeger on Saturday went great with the spicy red curry. I have been relaxing on the couch for exactly 1.75 hours and it feels GREAT.

I hope to have some good and interesting news about work-related changes SOON. In the meantime, I'll be content to leave work before darkness falls. Sometimes I don't know what I would do with all my free time if I didn't work so much. How pathetic is that??

E-mails That I Want To, but Don't Send

See Conference Hook-Ups for reference



Hi Mark,

I realize there is a slight chance that you have been kidnapped by aliens in the last month since we saw each other in DC, but most likely, that is not the case. From my recollection, we had a good time hanging out together. I am wondering if there’s something I did or said to offend you, because I also recall that you said “I’ll call you tomorrow” but that was a month ago and my phone has not registered any calls from you. In fact, I’ve even deleted your number from my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to call you. So, what’s up?

Cheers,

Michele

Hello Mark,

What the %$#@ is wrong with you? I believe you even asked yourself this question when we were hanging out in DC, because you were wondering why you haven’t bothered to keep in touch with me. I have been asking myself the exact same question (about you, that is) pretty much since we met three years ago. Three years.

Sincerely,

Michele

Hey Mark,

I realize that I am not perfect. I understand from a comment you made that you are looking for “perfection” in a woman. Now, that could mean that you are looking for the person who is perfect for you, or it could mean you are looking for perfection in general. I would just like to let you know that a)there is no such thing as perfection, b)you yourself are far, far from perfect and c) I am also nowhere near being perfect and, finally, sorry to burst your bubble but d) NO ONE is perfect.

Best regards,
Michele

Dear Mark,

In the event that you actually have been kidnapped by aliens, please disregard the above messages! I just want to let you know that in case they release you soon and you're able to get home and see this message, I am still available. Yes, I know - you might assume that in the last month I would have been snatched up by some other guy since I am such a great catch. So, if you are back on Earth, you can call me. Or text me. Whatever works for you. I really did delete your number, though, so I can't call you. Well, I could, because I could just look up your website and get your number there. But I won't. I am curious to hear about your period of captivity with the aliens. Maybe I'll do a write-up about it in my blog.

Hope you're well,

Michele

They Call us the Whale Riders

As all the locals know, Sacramento has been caught up in a whale frenzy for the past week or so, ever since two wayward whales, a mother and her calf, made their way from the San Francisco Bay into the Delta and finally to the Port of Sacramento. Marine experts have been called in to figure out how to lure the whales back to the Bay, and eventually the ocean. But they seemed content to just hang out in the Port. For anyone not familiar with the area, the Port is a good 80 miles northeast of the SF Bay. The news story has gone national and even international, with articles on CNN and the AP wire.

The police were discouraging people from visiting the levies to whale-watch this weekend, citing “danger.” Of what, I wasn’t exactly sure. In any event, I had no plans to try to see the whales – I’ve been really busy with work and whale watching isn’t one of my hobbies. Regardless, everyone is pretty curious. I heard that my friend Patrick was taking his bike out to the port to see the whales so I gave him a call and had him meet me in Old Sac.

We headed to the port and sure enough, there were hoards of curious onlookers. We were very smart to bring bikes. It was a long, dusty walk to get to where the whales were. Initially, I was really bored and thought I wouldn’t last longer than 10 or 15 minutes. I just wanted to get a glimpse and get out of there. Then, the whales started moving – and quickly. A Coast Guard boat started following them and soon a whole fleet of vessels, including two tugboats, had created a kind of barrier and seemed to be herding the whales westward, back toward the Delta and in the direction of the Bay. Patrick and I, along with a portion of the crowd, followed along on the levy and on the lower trail near the river. Every few minutes, the whales would breach and the mama whale would blow water out. So cool.

We ended up riding our bikes all along the levy to a point where the police had it barricaded off and wouldn’t let anyone pass. By that time the whales were still making their way in the right direction. We turned back around and encountered a couple of news vans, who were way too late to get any footage. We stopped and talked to the Fox station guys and the reporter asked if he could interview us. Why, certainly! He interviewed me first, then Patrick, who actually said “We call ourselves the Whale Riders.” I was trying not to crack up and was proud of Patrick for saying that, on camera, with a straight face! Hilarious. So now I’m calling everyone and telling them to check out the 10 p.m. news to catch a glimpse of the “Whale Riders.”

SF Update

After my DC trip, I went back to work for one day and then went to SF on Friday. I got a ride into the city with a colleague but then had to pretty much spend the day with him. Oh well. I got a free lunch out of it, at least. Mostly, I was looking forward to my date with Derek. We met at Union Square at about 6 p.m., after I finished my meetings and he got off work. It was a beautiful, warm and sunny day. We took a cab to his apartment and he poured us some wine. We took our wine up on the roof of his building, where we sat, surrounded by a 360 degree view of the city. It doesn’t get much better than that! Oh, wait, it did get better when we started kissing. OK, now it doesn’t get much better! As the sun went down and it became colder, we headed inside and continued our wine drinking and thought about going to dinner. We went to Suppenkueche, a German restaurant in Hayes Valley that I had heard about. It was actually really good. Pretty cool on the inside too. We went back to his place and the excellent evening continued. I was just worried that his roommate was going to come home – she was due to return from a week-long trip to Southeast Asia that night. As it turns out, she didn’t come home, she must’ve gone to her boyfriend’s place (my Australian friend). It was nice to stay the night and spend more time with him than just a few hours. Plus, I slept exceptionally well in his bed. Although, the roommate did get home on Saturday morning – with her Aussie in tow. That was a bit embarrassing…I obviously did not want them to know I was there, but a bunch of my stuff was downstairs so it probably became clear to them after a couple of minutes that Derek had a girl over. Fortunately they are both smart individuals and they left after about 10 minutes. We got up and took showers, and he fixed me some breakfast. He had to head to SFO to pick up his cousin who was arriving from the Netherlands. I had him drop me at the Ferry Building so I could catch the bus to Emeryville, and then the train to Sac. I was feeling that things were a little weird that morning and then in the car – lack of conversation and all that. I can’t get into all the details here but I’m afraid the bloom is off the rose at this point – I’m no longer feeling all smitten and crazy about him like I was before. This typically always happens when I get to know a guy better and realize he’s not this perfect creature that I envisioned him to be when I didn't know him. Plus there are some basic chemistry issues. Now it’s at the point where I’m not sure if it would make sense for us to continue to spend time together, because I am pretty sure he’s not someone I want a relationship with. He would probably be a great boyfriend, and he's really incredibly cute (that makes it harder!), but I am not feeling it. I am still waiting to meet a guy who is just crazy about me and makes an effort to call me, talk to me on a regular, if not daily, basis, goes out of his way to figure out how to spend time with me, really seems to want to get to know me, and makes me feel like I’m the only woman in his life (which, hopefully, I would be). Derek really does none of these things and that’s why I’m thinking it’s not worth my time. With that said, it may be worthwhile to keep him in mind when I do travel to SF for work or otherwise, but that's partly up to him as well and I think his feelings probably mirror mine. In the meantime, the older guy I referenced in my last posting has scheduled a lunch date with me for Friday and has sent me numerous e-mails, which indicates that he is thinking of me. There's something to be said for that. Still no word from Mark and of course no communication from Derek since Saturday morning. I also have a blind date on Wednesday, which sounds promising, but I hold no stock in descriptions, based on the last two set-ups I’ve been on.

Conference Hook-Ups

For some reason, the atmosphere at conferences is such that one has a higher chance than usual of hooking up. I'm not sure exactly why this is, I just go with the flow and enjoy it. I traveled to our nation's capital with a group of 400 people from Sacramento to attend a 3-day lobbying and networking conference. We arrived on Saturday night and there was a welcome party at the hotel. Naturally, I was looking around to see if there were any hot guys in attendance. The most gorgeous guy on the trip was an attorney who was, unfortunately for me, wearing a wedding ring. I didn't even bother introducing myself, what was the point? Then I saw another hottie across the room. I had to look twice because I realized I knew him, and had in fact already dated him. I was pretty embarrassed that he was there, because the last communication we had involved me calling him at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night and inviting myself over to his place. He never called me back. That was in January. Soooo I wanted to crawl under a table and hide. I decided to completely ignore him and pretend that he wasn't there. I was thinking, great. How am I going to avoid this guy for the next few days? A while later I was walking around the party and he came up to me and asked if he could buy me a beer. What could I say? Shortly after, we ended up leaving the party and going out to a bar. I took him to Tryst in Adams Morgan, a cool lounge-y casual bar/coffee shop that I used to go to when I lived in DC. Later we went to a college bar across the street, then we headed back to the hotel. He paid for everything (as he should!). I was staying on the 6th floor and his room was on the third. I assumed he would just say goodbye to me in the elevator, but he said he wanted to see my room. Uh huh. I've heard that one before. Well, it worked. I'm so predictable. We made out in my room and he said that he should keep in touch with me. I agreed. He said he hasn't been ready for a "challenge" and that dating is challenging. I was thinking to myself, don't get ahead of yourself there, buddy. We're just making out - enjoy it while it lasts and don't assume I want to be your girlfriend. His beard stubble was scratching up my face, so he said he would shave in the morning and he left. Next evening we went to dinner at the Dupont Grille. Nice place. He paid, bill was over $100. Again, I think I deserve this because he has dissed me so many times in the past. After dinner we went to an Irish pub next door to watch a basketball game. I was totally bored but he was in his element (he even told me this). People at the bar thought we were married. Huh. We were there till after midnight, then we walked back to the hotel. He held my hand the whole time and stopped at one point for no reason to start kissing me. He shaved, nice. It was cute to see him happy - his team won. We walked into the lobby and wouldn't you know it, a group of about 12 guys who were in our delegation were hanging out in the bar. So Mark had to go and schmooze with the boys while I lingered, hoping he would just talk for a few minutes and go upstairs with me. Well, no. I told him to stop by my room later, but he never showed up. I figured he got talked into drinking more with the guys and I was right, based on the text message he sent the next day. Monday night I went to happy hour with some friends and invited Mark to come and meet us. He showed up at the second bar we went to, at about 8:30. We got back to the hotel at about 10 p.m. and again, a big group of Sacramentans were in the lobby, including my boss. Sweet. He enjoys teasing me, so I know I'm going to hear it from him later. Mark was informed by me that he was not going out drinking with the boys that night, and he followed my instructions. We went up to his room and made out. I didn't get as much action as I had hoped, because he was exhausted (and, hung over still, from the night before). I swear, this always happens to me. I have no game, as Greg and Jason always tell me. So true. He told me he would call me the next day. That was Monday night. It's now Thursday night and guess what? I haven't heard from him. This is why I'm "still" single - the question everyone likes to ask - because I meet guys who go out with me three nights in a row and then never call me! That's why. So the following night, Tuesday, was our farewell dinner, a dress-up event. I packed light because I knew I would go shopping while in DC. Sure enough, I bought a bunch of stuff at H&M, including a super-cute black cocktail dress for $15. I was laughing in the dressing room because it was so ridiculously cheap. I went to the dinner and was immediately claimed for the evening by an older man who I had met earlier in the day. Apparently he took quite a liking to me, but I was confused because I assumed he was gay. He is the president of a local medical foundation and seems to be pretty rich, and very connected to the business community. He offered to help me make some connections with people who could provide funding for my organization. Hmm. We sat next to each other at dinner and on the other side of him was one of my board members, who assumed he and I had "hit it off." I was thinking, no way. First of all, he's gay. Second, he's too old. After dinner he asked if I wanted to get a glass of wine. We ended up going to the bar at the hotel along with a lot of the other people in the group. We hung out with another guy who I knew previously, through work. John bought me a glass of wine, and I learned that he was divorced, because this lady came up to him and said that he had a really beautiful wife. He was like, "uh, ex-wife." Oops. He also has two cats and a dog. That's cute. I actually really enjoyed hanging out with him, I felt we could be friends at least. I also learned he is 46, because I saw his drivers' license at the bar and saw he was born in 1960. Pretty old, huh? I was considering whether I would be willing to make out with him or not. There's something about knowing someone is into you that makes them more attractive. Then the really bizarre thing happened. A random older guy came up to the three of us at the bar and asked if either of the guys were my boyfriend or husband. We said "noooo..." and wondered why he was asking this. The guy proceeded to embarrass the hell out of me, and gave me like 10 compliments. He said he had been staring at me all night (um, creepy) and that I had the most beautiful lips, and eyes, and great legs, and that I was just this beautiful creature, and I should be proud and confident. I was in complete shock and didn't know what to say, so I just said thank you. Weird! Luckily when the guy went back to his barstool, I was not in his line of sight. Chris and John were both leaving to go up to their rooms, so I left too. End of evening. John left the next day for Pennsylvania to visit his family. I had an e-mail from him when I went into work this morning that he must have sent that night, late. He said it was a pleasure meeting me and that he looked forward to meeting me for lunch in the coming weeks. To talk about work, of course. I wrote back and said for him to get in touch when he was back in town. He sent me another e-mail tonight saying we should meet for lunch or wine, some evening. Hm. I guess it could be interesting to have a sugar daddy, albeit one who is old and possibly gay. Actually that would be ideal, because I'd get stuff and there'd be no expectations! Ha ha. That is just wrong. In the meantime, I have plans with Derek in SF tomorrow night and I have a blind date on Wednesday. Maybe it's for the best that Mark, the flake, is blowing me off - again. Although, I know how weak I am when it comes to him and if he did contact me, I would hang out with him. Pathetic. Why do we want the ones who don't seem to want us? I had hoped I'd be over guys like him a long time ago. Guess not.

Sedentary Lifestyles

I'm reading a pretty interesting book called "I'm a Stranger Here Too" by Bill Bryson. It's actually a collections of columns he wrote for a British newspaper. He had lived in the UK for 20 years with his family and then returned to the U.S., where he now lives in a small New Hampshire town called Hanover, best known for being home to Dartmouth College. The columns are about his re-adjustment to American life and are pretty funny. One of them hit home last night. He was writing about how an astonishly high percentage of Americans are considered to live sedentary or extremely sedentary lives, and that the average American only walks something like 1.4 miles per week. That's pretty sad. And that some 93% of trips outside the home are made by car. I think I'm more active than most, but this made me think about how my lifestyle lately (the last two weeks, I suppose) has been very sedentary, with the vast majority of my time spent sitting on my butt on my chair at work, in front of the computer (like right now!). I decided to do something about it and walk to work today. I threw on my sweats, packed my backpack with an outfit, shoes and my lunch, and took an urban hike through midtown and downtown to make my way to the office. Along the way, I was able to notice things I've never noticed before. First of all, spring is a beautiful time of year in Sacramento because the trees are all incredibly lush and green. I don't think you truly notice the beauty of the trees in this area unless you slow down and walk around. I walked around the Crocker Art Museum and could check out the sculpture outside and appreciate the beautiful architecture. By the time I arrived at work, I felt great knowing that I had already gotten my exercise for the day. Then the realization hit me: oh yeah, I'm going to have to walk home, too. Four miles in one day: that's apparently how far most Americans will walk in a month!

The Bachelor

I admit I am addicted to "The Bachelor" and enjoy nothing more than a short but sweet 6-season run of this reality show. I tuned in last night to the second episode of "The Bachelor: an Officer and a Gentleman" (I missed the first one) and was extremely disappointed. First of all, I don't think the Bachelor, Lt. Andy Baldwin, is all that. His head looks too big for his body, he looks short, and his teeth are eerily white. He doesn't come across like he should be on TV. I don't know. I'm not into him at all. Next, the women. They all seem really young and stupid. Maybe this was done on purpose - I don't know. It was painful to watch their conversations. Maybe this franchise has burned itself out, because I don't know how many more catty conversations the girls in the house can have about the girl out on the date before viewers (like me) tune out. Another thing, is it just me or are the girls not really that pretty? Sure, they are all attractive and cute girls, but I didn't see one girl who was really beautiful. The banter between Andy and the girls was pretty lame, too. Andy to Tiffany, during their "special quality time (how lame): "So, have you ever dated a doctor before?" Tiffany: "Yes." Andy: "How was it?" Tiffany (giggling): "Um, it was OK." Andy (desperately searching for intelligent conversation but finding none): "Have you ever dated a miliary guy before?" Tiffany: "No." With fascinating real-life dialogue like this, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm not going to watch the rest of the season - a pure waste of my time. Not like TV in general isn't a waste of time, but this isn't even enjoyable - it's painful!

Blind Date Deux

WHY do I bother wasting my time with blind dates?? I guess I hold onto that little glimmer of hope that the guy might be cute, interesting and smart. Apparently I'm hoping for too much! I met Mike at the Zinfandel Grille on Fair Oaks last night at 7:30 pm. I was early, so took a seat at the bar and ordered a glass of wine. He showed up and my reaction was "that's him??" Just being realistic and honest, he's not my type physically whatsoever. He's a short-ish, stocky Hispanic guy. Not bad looking per se, but not my idea of attractive by any means. He sat down and ordered a cocktail and I made my one glass of wine last for quite a while. Vital stats: he's 36, lives in an apartment in Roseville, and works as a project manager for a commercial real estate developer. He's originally from San Bernardino and went to UC Riverside. He got a girl pregnant when he was 17 and was "forced" to marry her and to join the military. They ended up having another kid before getting divorced. So now he has a 17 and an 18 year old. I didn't care about that, whatever. This guy and I just had absolutely nothing in common and while it was not excruciating to have to sit and talk with him for an hour, I think we both knew immediately that this was not going to lead to a second date. I just wish there were a way to quickly assess a situation and have an "out" right away, without being rude. Any suggestions?

Derek, Part Trois

Hm, lately most of my adventures are taking place in the 415! I had my third date with Derek on Saturday, in SF. I was there hanging out with Carolyn and her friend Jill, who's from Oregon and had never been to SF before. We were shopping at Ambiance on Union St. and Derek came to pick me up. He had been running down on Marina Green - he's training to play on an Aussie rules football team. We went to his place so he could take a shower and change. We then headed off for Pacifica, to go hang out at the beach. It's a town just south of SF, on the coast. It was a nice, sunny day in SF, but unfortunately, cloud cover had come in at Pacifica. We turned around and went back to Ocean Beach. We got some some snacks and snuck a bottle of wine onto the beach. It was a gorgeous day to be out there, watching the kite surfers. Pretty cold and windy, but beautiful. After a while, we decided to go to Golden Gate Park to find Carolyn and Jill. They were laying in the grass outside the Conservatory of Flowers. We drank the rest of the wine and hung out, just having a lazy afternoon. I was sad to leave Derek...I said goodbye to him and headed with Carolyn and Jill to Haight Ashbury (where we couldn't find a parking spot, go figure) and then home to Sacramento. Not sure when I'll see Derek again. He has some friends coming to visit this weekend, so maybe the one after? In the meantime, I have another blind date on Thursday. Let's hope it goes better than the last one! Could anything be worse??

Second Date

I was waiting for Derek outside the Gap at the intersection of Powell and Market Streets in downtown San Francisco last night and it suddenly hit me that it was a Tuesday night at 7 p.m. and I was in San Francisco! And, even stranger, I was waiting for a really cute guy to come meet me and take me out to dinner. This is NOT my normal life. But, I could get accustomed to such things! He spotted me first - we were surrounded by hordes of tourists waiting for a ride on the cable cars. He gave me a big smile and a sincere hug. We decided to escape tourist hell and take a taxi to Pacific Heights, his 'hood. We walked for a few blocks before settling on a cute little (emphasis on little) bistro right off Fillmore Street. The food was good, the wine was great, and the conversation with my very cute dinner partner was even better. I'm just really impressed by him, I don't know how else to describe it. He's intelligent, articulate, well-traveled, open minded, has good taste, knows about the finer things in life, yet is not snobby in the least, has a lot of interesting stories to tell, and most importantly, seems to think I'm great! We stayed at the restaurant until almost 9:30 p.m., and left when I told him I had to think about getting back to Oakland, where I had left my car in a parking garage that closed at 11:00 p.m. Bummer. We left the restaurant and walked to his car, our arms hooked. Then he did something sweet - he asked if he could switch sides with me, because he was brought up to make sure the man always walked closest to the street. Awww. How often does that happen? We got to his car and I knew we were close to his apartment, so I asked where it was. He said we had walked right by it. I still had some time to get to the BART station, so I asked if we could go see it. He's talked a lot about how amazing the place is, so I was curious. And it is amazing. His roommate owns the apartment. It's on the second floor of a house and has hardwood floors and huge, open vaulted ceilings. A nice kitchen, open to the family room/dining area and there was a massive wine collection (Derek's) to boot. His room is the loft upstairs, which you reach by climbing a tall and very steep ladder that is tilted at a slight angle. Somewhat unsure, I scrambled up after him. His room is so cool. He has a great view of the city through a huge window in the front room of the apartment, and there's another window with a ladder next to it. We climb out of the window and we're on the edge of the roof, with yet another wonderful view of the city. He chose this moment (appropriately) to kiss me, and I was again thinking, this is SO not a normal Tuesday night! Being kissed by a hot guy on the roof of his SF apartment, with city lights and the stars surrounding us?? Oh man. Back in his room again, some more kissing, me very, very reluctant to leave. We walk back to the car and he drops me at the Embarcadero BART station, after a prolonged goodbye. I tell him I might be in SF this weekend and he says to call him. Several more kisses later, I leave and have this huge smile on my face as I'm walking into the underground subway station. Now it's the next afternoon and the smile is pretty much still there! Let's see what this weekend holds in store.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I was browsing through some other blogs and came across one that was, frankly, really boring. This guy writes a new post every day, simply describing exactly what he does each day. I thought I would emulate him to see if a typical day for me is any more exciting. Probably not. Here goes: My alarm went off at 6 a.m. and I promptly turned it off and went back to sleep. Felix the annoying black cat began to meow incessantly at around 6:30 a.m. I ignored her and covered by head with a pillow as to drown out her cries. It never works. I finally dragged myself out of bed at 6:51 a.m. As always, I began my day with a shower. I am always pissed at the cats for waking me up, so I make them wait until after I shower to eat. I fed the cats and briefly considered cleaning out the litter boxes, but decided that could wait until later. I selected an outfit and got ready for work. I ate breakfast: green tea, apple cinnamon instant oatmeal, strawberries and mango. I've had the same thing for breakfast every day this week, in an effort to at least start out the day being healthy. This plan usually fails by mid-day when I get cravings for sweets, but at least I have good intentions. I left for work at about 8 a.m. I drove today - I don't always drive, sometimes I ride my bike and occasionally I take light rail. I arrived at my office by 8:20 a.m., something I was proud of, because I'm trying to come in earlier and leave earlier. I checked my e-mail and voice mail and made a phone call. I did some research for an event I'm organzing next month and then got ready for a phone meeting I had scheduled. That took about 45 minutes. A guy I met at a conference last week wanted to provide me with a demo of his company's web-based social networking platform. It was interesting to learn about. After that meeting, I had about 15 minutes to check e-mail and get some coffee before the monthly staff meeting. I usually dread these but today's was relatively informative. The rest of the morning, until about 12:30 p.m., was spent working. Oh, I did talk on the phone with Carolyn for about 20 minutes, but I considered that part of my lunch break. I brought my lunch from home and ate in our breakroom at the office, while chatting with some colleagues. I had split pea soup, baby carrots with hummus, and a whole wheat tortilla. I washed it down with a flavored sparkling water from Safeway - my favorite alternative to soda. Yum! However, my healthy lunch was ruined by 2 pieces of cinnamon pound cake that I ate immediately afterward. Darn it. They were sitting right in front of me, calling my name. Total pieces of cake eaten today: 3 (the first one was at the staff meeting). Total pieces of Ferrerro Rocher hazelnut chocolates eaten: 2. After lunch I headed back to my desk, where I made a variety of phone calls, typed up a bunch of letters, and sent tons of e-mails all afternoon. I also put up a new laminated world map that I bought at Borders. It looks great. I got all excited a short while ago because I've been obsessively checking my personal e-mail to see if Derek, the hottie from SF, wrote back to me, and he did. Yay! Now I'm getting ready to log off and head a few blocks away to Morton's, where I'm having dinner with some diplomats from Taiwan and six politicians. I don't eat steak but I'm sure they will have some veggie alternatives. I'm ready for people to ask me about my diet habits and why I don't eat meat, etc. That's kind of annoying, because I don't go around asking people why they choose to eat cow flesh. That just wouldn't be polite! Update: the dinner was nice. I had never been to Morton's and it was much as I expected: dark, with dark wood paneling. Very masculine. The highlight of the evening was a hot waiter. He was setting down coffee cups and saucers and dropped a couple of saucers. The older Taiwanese man sitting next to me made a joke that everyone could hear - he said to the waiter that he dropped the saucers probably because he was looking at me! I turned bright red and wished that were true! Otherwise, I had to sit around and listen to a bunch of elected officials talk about their upcoming junket to Taiwan. Stupidest comment of the evening: one of them (not to be named, of course) said that while they were in Taiwan, they should meet up with some colleagues in Tokyo one evening. Taipei is about 1,300 miles across the East China Sea from Japan. Riiight. Oh well, it's his first trip outside of the U.S., other than to Mexico. Oh, and he chairs a committee on international trade. What I ate at Morton's: bread, caesar salad (not very good), huge shrimp in a wine butter sauce with rice, raspberry sorbet, red wine. Who I sat next to: two Taiwanese doctors - one urologist and one pediatrician; a chief of staff to one of the electeds, and a diplomat from Taiwan who had previously been posted in Paraguay and Brazil. What everyone got as a gift: a wooden box filled with premium Taiwanese tea. All in all, not a bad evening. I may have to go back just to flirt with the cute waiter sometime.

International Affairs

I just returned from a short trip to SF for the purpose of attending a Germany California Solar Day Conference that took place at PG&E headquarters. Much to my surprise, the event was attended by a number of very attractive men and very few women. Demographics were definitely on my side. Sitting in my row was one of the above-mentioned attractive men, a German guy who works in SF for a German firm with U.S. headquarters in Sacramento. I had a chance to talk (read: flirt) with him at the post-conference reception, over a couple of cold Beck's beers (well, he was drinking Dr. Pepper, I had the beer). We were arguing over the benefits of living in Sacramento because he sees none, having lived here for 8 months before getting transferred to SF. Despite the fact that he seems to hate my city, I think I'm in love. He said he visits Sac once a week or so for work, so I told him we'll have to get together when he's in town, so I can show him some good places. He turned it around and told me to contact him next time I'm in SF, so he can show me HIS city. Fair enough. Later on that evening, I had dinner with my cousin and her roommate and then we prepared for my date with a guy who I met at a Christmas party in December and haven't seen since. I convinced my cousin to be my wingman, or wingwoman, as it were, just in case I was totally not into the guy. He met us in the Mission district and we checked out a few bars before settling on a place called Bruno's. Very cool place, on Mission, very lounge-y with a jazz band playing. Perfect. Derek turned out to be just as cute as I remembered, and is tall, blond, and blue-eyed, very Northern European-looking. Turns out he grew up in the Netherlands, go figure. I was very impressed by this guy. He was very smooth and articulate and intelligent and seemed passionate about his work and his life and yes, it helps that he's nice to look at too. Well-dressed also. He drives one of those Mercedes hatchbacks, new. It's the first time he's owned a car in 10 years. He is 29, well within my age range and he seems several years older. He didn't ask me how old I am, I'm assuming he doesn't care about such non-essential things! Right. We left Bruno's and dropped Gen off at her apartment, a few blocks away. Derek proceeded to take me on this romantic late-night drive around the city, stopping to check out the view of Alcatraz from the Presidio (Inspiration Point, no less! Sounds cheesy but if you're with a hot guy, who cares). It was chilly and windy, brr. We got back in the car and headed downhill to the Palace of Fine Arts. It was very beautiful and we walked all around - it was empty and very quiet. We went back to his car and he told me that he was really glad I e-mailed him, and he told me that I was beautiful and then he made his move, not very smoothly, I might add. By this time it was after 1 a.m. so I suggested - reluctantly - that he take me back to Gen's place so I could get to sleep and be able to catch an early train back to Sacramento. He wanted to stay out longer, but I figured it would be good to leave him wanting something more. He walked me to the front door and kissed me goodnight and told me to let him know when I'm coming back. Soooo now I just need to come up with some more excuses to go to SF, but who am I going to contact first? The German hottie or the Dutch one? Decisions, decisions.

Blind Date Hell

I had a blind date last night and arrived with zero expectations. I quickly realized I should have set the bar to a negative scale! Was he really that bad? You may ask. To answer, I have two words: Facial Tic. To make matters even worse for him (and me), he is unemployed and lives with his parents - "temporarily" he says, but later he said he's been back in the area for 2 years. He is 30 years old. He also has a large gap between his front two teeth. Despite all of this, he made it clear to me that he "dates a lot" and talked about different nice restaurants where he's been on dates. Uh huh. Probably one-offs with poor unsuspecting girls like me! I made conversation with him just to be polite, but felt that every moment was torture. After I finished my meal I excused myself and went to the ladies' room, where I called my friend Carolyn to report that things were not going well. I went back to the table and he said, "Did you have fun?" I was perplexed, and said,"In the restroom??" He said, "no, I meant tonight." I didn't know how what the appropriate answer was, and don't appreciate being put on the spot. Honesty seemed out of the question. I said "uh, yeah!" And he asked if I wanted to go out again. I just said I didn't know. He asked again a couple minutes later (it took forever for the server to bring back our change!) and I said I still wasn't sure. But I wished him the best of luck for his job search, so hopefully he got the hint that I don't plan on ever seeing him again. He seemed like a nice guy, and I hope he gets everything together in his life, but he was described to me as someone with whom I would have a lot in common and I am pretty disappointed that I was misled like that. That's an hour and 15 minutes of my life that I'll never get back. At least I can see the humor it the situation, I was laughing hysterically to myself in the car as I pulled away - the best laugh I've had in weeks!

I love...Sacramento??

I had to do a write-up on Sacramento for a work project, and I found myself getting really into it. Maybe the Convention and Visitors Bureau should hire me! As I was writing this narrative, I was thinking, Sacramento IS a really nice place! Here is what I wrote:
"Sacramento and the surrounding region is one of the fastest-growing metropolitan areas in the U.S. and features large employers such as Intel, HP, Apple and NEC Electronics. The State of California is the largest employer in the Sacramento region, but the workforce is very diverse and generally protected from economic downswings. The unemployment rate is low, around 4%. Sacramento is well-known for its gold rush history. The city was founded in 1848 by Swiss immigrant John Sutter. The city was a major transportation point for the Pony Express and the transcontinental railroad. Sacramento still embraces its gold rush history with well-preserved state parks and museums, including Sutter’s Fort, the Crocker Art Musuem, the California State Railroad Museum, the California Indian Museum, and more. Old Sacramento is a carefully restored state historic park area, depicting the city during gold rush times. It is the city’s most popular tourist destination. Modern-day Sacramento is well-known for being the home of Arco Arena and the NBA’s Sacramento Kings, as well as the AAA baseball team, the River Cats. Sacramento is an outdoor sports haven, with a mild climate that encourages outdoor activity all year long. Sacramento is a bicyclist’s dream, with flat streets and a 26-mile paved bike path that follows the American River from Old Sacramento to Folsom. Water sports are especially popular, and many visitors enjoy river boat cruises that embark from the docks in Old Sacramento and cruise along the Sacramento River, one of the Central Valley’s and the agricultural industry’s most important waterways. Folsom Lake and the American River parkway are also very popular leisure spots for boating, waterskiing, fishing, and kayaking. The Sacramento region is also home to two major universities: California State University, Sacramento, and the University of California, Davis. There are a number of community colleges in the region as well. Sacramento’s Midtown neighborhood, adjacent to Downtown, is home to a variety of unique restaurants, bars and nightlife entertainment options. The neighborhood is characterized by historic Victorian homes and leafy trees that shade the streets from the hot summer sun. Sacramento’s close-in neighborhoods of Land Park and East Sacramento are great places to go walking, bike riding or jogging and see examples of pre-WWII bungalow homes. In addition, the city is only 1.5 hours drive from San Francisco, one hour from wine country in Napa, and 1.5 hours from scenic Lake Tahoe and the ski slopes. In short, Sacramento is a great city in which to work and live!" Who knew??

Busy, busy

Have been too busy with work lately to worry too much about boys. The most excitement I've had lately was flirting with a hot waiter at the Chi Cha Lounge in Washington DC last Thursday. Half price ($4) tapas during happy hour - I highly recommend the place. Hopefully I'll have some good stories to tell after this weekend. We're celebrating my friend Carolyn's 35th birthday on Saturday night with the crew - something fun and interesting is bound to happen then!

Oops!

Number one most-embarrassing work moment: yesterday afternoon I was in my office making some phone calls. I was calling someone in SF. I have to dial a "9" and then the number. Pretty standard operating procedure, right? I guess I was dialing a bit fast and I accidentally pushed 9-1-1-415 and the number, instead of 9-1-415, etc. I quickly realized my mistake and hung up, then proceeded to re-dial and I left a message. Well...about 15 minutes later, this really cute Sac PD officer shows up at my office door, soaking wet from the rain, and casually asks if anyone from our office dialed 911! I am sure I turned bright red - and I admitted that I made a dialing mistake and that it could possibly have been me. Oops! I felt like a total idiot, except it really was a very innocent mistake. Besides, the phone system should be set up so you have to dial 9911 if you have an emergency! Not my fault. The funniest thing was that he was not upset at all - in fact, he stepped into my office and commented on what a nice view I had from my window! Then, a co-worker said, "Oh, you should see the view from the other side of the office! Do you want a tour?" And he actually went on a tour of the office with her! Later, when he was leaving, I apologized again, and he said he didn't mind a chance to come in and dry off from the rain. Oh my gosh. Then, everyone was teasing me, saying that I called "911" to get a cute cop to come up to the office! I wonder when I'll hear the end of it. He really was cute though...

Is the Grass Greener?

I read an article in the paper about a couple in New York City who decided they wanted to move to a new place, but they couldn't decide where. In the spirit of reality TV, they decided to let America choose. They created a website and listed about 200 cities where they would consider moving to, and asked people to go to the website to vote. The city that garnered 1 million votes first would win. It became quite a heated competition, with Denver ultimately winning. They moved to Denver sometime in January, I believe. This interesting story has got me thinking about whether the grass really is greener somewhere else. I've never been content to stay in the same place for very long. Not because I'm unhappy, but because life is short - too short to be confined to one city, one state, one country, one continent even. There is always the thought that moving somewhere new will bring with it new adventures, new friends, perhaps new romantic interests. Most of all for me, it's been a great learning experience and has allowed me to broaden my horizons exponentially. I've been thinking a little bit about other cities where I'd like to live. Sacramento is nice enough, but I'm kind of over California. Real estate and therefore the cost of living here is so high, and it would be nice to buy a house or a condo, but what I could get for my (hard-earned) money is not very impressive. So - looking outside of CA, there are several factors that are important to me. I am somewhat of a West Coast snob. Since my family and a lot of my friends live in CA, I wouldn't want to live too many time zones or airmiles away. Weather is also key. Growing up in Nor Cal, where (in my opinion) we have one of the best climates in the world, it would be tough to move to a place where it snows or is below freezing a lot of the time. I know, because I've done that twice. This basically narrows it down to cities in Oregon, Washington, Arizona and Hawaii. Denver (or as my friend Lyric calls it "Menver") sounds great, but - snow. No thank you. AZ sounds too hot. Hawaii - too expensive and too far away. Although, if a good enough job offer came my way, it would be hard to pass up. I am a big fan of Oregon and Washington, both places that aren't very welcoming to erstwhile Californians. Hmm. I really like Portland and from what I've seen of Seattle, it's a great city. I know it's rainy there, and that's definitely a consideration. But, I'll take rain over snow any day. It doesn't really matter because I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon, but I'm always looking ahead, wondering where I'll end up next. And I do plan to visit my friend Natalie in Denver, when the weather's better.

Younger Men

This topic is on my mind because I've gone on dates with two 25-year-old men in the last two weeks. My friend Blake, dear friend that he is, gives me a hard time about going out with younger men. I checked my records to see how strong the trend toward younger guys really is. Yes, I keep a journal that has a list of guys I've spent "quality" time with. (Does anyone else do this??) Interestingly, 20 of the last 30 guys I've "hung out" with have been younger than me. Some have been much younger (like 7-9 years younger) and some just a year or two. Nevertheless, this is an obvious theme in my dating life. I also noted that when I was younger, I almost exclusively went out with older men. It's an interesting reversal and I think it's pretty common among women my age who are still single.

Bummer

My future Australian husband just called to say he won't be able to make it to Sac tonight. Sad! He did say, however, that it's been "bloody ages" since he's seen me and that he'll make an effort to get up here sometime soon. Yay :)

The Intimidation Factor

Last night I had a date with a 25-year-old guy -- this is the second time in 2 weeks that I've gone out with 25-year-olds! I guess I should take it as a compliment that much younger men want to go out with me. I'm just wondering where all of the 30 and older men are. I guess they're at home with their wives and kids? They're definitely not hanging out at the Momo Lounge on Saturday nights, which is where I met the latest young guy. Marco (his real name) and I met at Bistro 33 on 16th and K last night at 9 pm, for a drink. He told me that he initially didn't think he should call me because he was intimidated by my job title and position at work. He said that he just called me "to be nice." He said he's not that smart of a guy, which I didn't believe. I certainly appreciated his honesty and was suprised that he actually was intimated by me. I hear that excuse a lot, that guys are probably intimidated by successful, smart women, but I thought it was just a load of crap. Maybe it's true? I told him that my friends wanted me to tell him I worked at Mervyn's. He laughed, but I got the impression that he would be more interested in me if in fact I did have a lower-level type of job. It doesn't really matter in this case, because I'm not interested in dating Marco, but I wonder if other guys out there feel the same way he does. Toward the end of the evening, he finally asked me how old I was and I told him 32. He said he would have guessed that I was younger. I asked him how old he was and he got really embarrassed and didn't want to tell me. I guessed that he was 25 and he said I was right. At least I got a glass of wine and an appetizer out of it. When I went out to my car, I was dismayed to find no fewer than 100 bird craps all over it. I've been told that in some cultures, that is a sign of good luck. I hope so, because tonight I'm having dinner with the Australian guy I'm in love with. He's age-appropriate (32) and gorgeous, and my dream future husband, but unfortunately he has a beautiful girlfriend in San Francisco. Unless he's asking me to dinner to tell me that he dumped his girfriend and wants to be with an intellectual woman like me :)

Follow-up

This was my date's idea of follow-up. No phone call to say "Hey, I had a really great time on Friday night, let's do it again soon." No. I received an e-mail from him on Monday morning that read "guess who has a cold this morning?" He's aparently alleging that I'm the source of his newfound sickness, probably because I was coughing on Friday night. Want to know what I wrote back? "Guess who’s skin is peeling off her chin like she has a bad sunburn??" I have sensitive skin...he has a goatee...or rather, a wanna-be goatee. Kid is 25 but looks about 19. That's what made this whole situation so wrong. Later on I spoke with him and suggested that the girl he made out with on New Year's Eve (assuming there was someone he made out with, I on the other hand was not so lucky) was probably the culprit, since the cold virus needs time to work itself into the system. He wasn't buying it.

"Why are you still single??"

Ah, a question I have come to loathe. As I get older, I get asked this question more and more often. In fact, I was asked this question by a guy I was on a date with on Friday night. My first instinct is to be offended, because to me, he may as well have asked, "what is wrong with you that no guys want to be with you?" I guess that's my insecurity roaring its ugly head. It would never occur to me to actually ask someone this question, especially since I myself am also "still single." My friend Blake says one should offer a humorous reply and then change the subject. Here are some other alternative answers: from Bridget Jones' Diary (by way of Carolyn): all of us 'singletons' have scales under our clothes, didn't you know?; I am actually a psycho bitch from hell who will drive any man insane; I have a serious personality disorder; I have committed multiple crimes and spent most of my adult life in jail, thus preventing me from forming any kind of meaningful relationship, outside of pen-pal correspondence; I am in fact married and am looking to have a meaningless fling; or...fill in the blank and let me know what you recommend I say the next time I get asked this question, because I guarantee it will happen again soon. The last time it happened was last month, and the asker was my boss, of all people. He started out by saying "what's your story?" and then proceeded to try to be politically correct by asking if there's a special woman or man in my life! I cracked up and told him that I'm straight, as a matter of fact. Then he told me that if he was single, he would date me. Thanks! My married- with-kids boss (who is kinda hot, for the record) would hypothetically take me on a date if he was single. I told him I'm willing to be set up and asked if he knew any men between the ages of 30 and 40, who had a job, who were straight and taller than me. That's my criteria. He offered the name of one guy, who one of my co-workers has dated. The guy I went out with on Friday night actually only met one of my standards - he has a job. So, he's short and young (5'7" 1/2 and 25, to be exact). He's a distraction, is basically what he is. And, finally, this is how he asked the question above and how I answered: "You're a good-looking girl, you have a great job, a great apartment, why are you still single?" Me: (after going off on him for asking the question in the first place and telling him I was offended) "Because I haven't met anyone for whom it would be worth it to NOT be single." After all, that's what it's all about, right?