Pinch Hitters

During a lengthy manalysis at a local café this afternoon, my very wise friend C.A. observed that all of us are dating “pinch hitters” – men who we don’t see a future with, and sometimes don’t even particularly like – while we continue to keep our options open, hoping still to meet the “right” guy. She also says “you can’t meet Mr. Right when you’re sleeping with Mr. Retarded.” Hm. Is that true? Or can you keep seeing the wrong guy as long as you are open to meeting others? I’m going to be testing this hypothesis very soon. Starting this week, in fact. As long as the emotional connection is minor or non-existent, I see no reason why this can’t be done. Some may ask, why continue to see someone if you know deep down (or, on the immediate surface, whatever) that he is not a keeper? We all agreed that the number one reason is attention. Naturally, it’s flattering and addictive to be wanted by an attractive man, regardless of his ultimate intentions. Or marriage status, in some instances (I wouldn’t know anything about that, of course). Physical intimacy ranks somewhere at the top of the list too. But what it really comes down to is that we don’t have anything (well, anyone) else going on. That’s probably the top excuse for dating a less-than-desirable guy – not having any better options at the moment. That’s my justification, absolutely. As long as I’m still having fun with my pinch-hitter and there are no full-season replacements on deck, I see no reason to drop him permanently from the lineup.

For my loyal readers (all 4 or 5 of you), you’ve probably caught on that I’m referring specifically to the artist guy. I think I’ll just refer to him as “PH” from now on (for pinch hitter). Yeah, I admit I was really into him in the beginning. But I’ve learned a lot about him since then. Too much, probably! He is so into himself, in fact, that it’s practically all he talks about. We went away for the weekend together and had a very enlightening conversation in the car on the way home today about how unless he has an “agreement” with a woman stating that they are exclusive, he’s not loyal to anyone. This blunt revelation, coupled with some specific details I recently learned about his dating life, required me to quietly reflect on what the hell I’m doing dating him. My initial thought was that I have to get rid of him immediately. Then I thought some more and decided, why should I dump him now? I’m having fun, and he’s hot. I like the attention and he treats me well when we’re together. As long as I don’t feel a strong emotional connection to him and can accept the relationship for what it is, why not keep seeing him? Just not as often, is all. Until now, he’s taken up too much of my time for this thing to be considered (in my mind, and probably by most accounts) a “casual” dating relationship. According to my day planner, I’ve known him for 72 days (as of today, Sunday the 21st of October) and I’ve seen him 25 times. That’s an average of every 3 days. That’s not casual!! Anyway -- I need to move on and establish some rules that enable me to keep seeing him but also allow me the freedom to get out and meet other guys that might be better suited for me.