Shock

I just heard that one of my friends died last night. He is not someone I consider a close friend. Regardless, he is someone I've known and hung out with socially for many years. I hadn't seen him for a while and was just asking our mutual friend about him on Friday night. She hadn't seen him for some time, either. It turns out he had a girlfriend, which explains why he was MIA. He and the girlfriend were at his house and got into a fight, which escalated and he pushed her down the stairs - or she fell, I don't know. Later that night, he was drunk - I think she was gone by then - and he got out his gun and shot himself. And he died. I guess I never really knew him. He was 39 years old, I think. Maybe 40. He was a very successful guy by all measures. He had a bachelor's and a master's degree. He had a great career doing business strategy at Intel in Folsom. He had a beautiful, immaculately decorated home next to a lake in a nice neighborhood. For a short while, I lived near him and I would see him running on the levy bike path. He always drove the nicest cars and dressed well. I went out with one of his good friends a few times, he told me that R. always wanted to date the most beautiful girls because those were the types of women he wanted to be seen with. Outward appearances were very important to him. A few of us joked around that he was gay because he was sort of a "metrosexual" type of guy. It seems (seems being the key word, I suppose) like he had everything going for him. I don't get it. I don't understand why he wanted to end it all. Maybe I'll learn more later, but in the meantime, it's hard to know how I feel because this wasn't an accident, he did this to himself on purpose. I can't imagine how his parents, his other family members are feeling.

E-mail flattery

I posted a profile on this free online dating website called "plenty of fish". One of my friends met a guy through the site. Granted, it didn't end up being a love connection, but I figured, why not. There's nothing to lose. I selected an SF zip code so I would get responses from city guys - an even bigger pond of fish, if you will. I've received tons of messages from geeky Indian IT guys, NASCAR fans, and just generally unattractive guys. But a couple of hotties have contacted me, which is nice. One guy in particular has captured my fancy with his very interesting (and probably hallucenigenic drug-induced) messages. Check it out:

Message 1:
Hello! you are indeed a woman of some substance it seems. Which exact substance i don't know but i know it must be a prescription of some kind because you are intoxicating. Okay that was corny.let me try again.Wow. You are insanely pretty. Beautiful in a non-lewd way. Someone you would be proud to bring home to your family.And so well spoken, and not over the top, yet, not boring... There is something to you and i sense sincerity and kindness and the face had me at first glance so i hope you have a heart or you may end up carving mine out (for lunch!)Bring it back, blonde. Kennedy

I replied and asked if that was a stock message he sends to all the ladies :)

Message 2:
Hi there, gentle and yet sublimely hot and curvy wonder woman of this absurd little jetty of internet dating (.com)No, that was not a "stock love rant". If it were so, i would have to have a team of scientists matching it to the DNA of each subject to make sure they are precisely astonished at the exact moment of pheremonal activity or something. Or wait, that was overthought. In other words, I write for a living, and sometimes stuff pours out of my heart, through my stupid mouth, and sometimes--if you are wildly attractive and non-psychotic, you will see it as a kind of absurd gift that someone with my blinding romantic acumen in writing women of your clear eloquence and grace can pull off in moments of pure inspiration. Call it a gift, a curse, but yeah, in less time than it took you to read this rant, i wrote the other one. I would only write you original, in-the-moment, experiental, non-tangential, and always entertaining prose. In lieu, of course, of actually being in your presence, coercing you with****ails, and aiming my laser beam movie smile in your direction occasional to inpsire giddy femininity, hair twirling, and possible hallucinations (or gagging). Either way, you are defintely tall enough to ride the Kennedy Ride, so buckle up, and question the sincerity and inspiration again at the peril of being bored by the other weiners on this system, I daresay (sips martini)with a slightly raised eyebrow,and a dazzling smile. Kennedy

I wrote him back and told him I was convinced his message to me wasn't a mass e-mail, and asked him what he wanted to know about me.

Message 3:
Thank you for the digital rose.[note: HE sent me a digital rose, it just got sent back to him when I replied!] I'll go put it in a digital vase and we can run off together digitally somewhere and have really great virtual sex! You are so good. Your joystick really is aptly named, she said (audience groans). Hey fire the writer!What do i want to know? Hmm. How many dates a week you go on. Are you looking for the same bone structure (perfect, presidential) for your guy (who i imagine would also be tall, rich and handsome, and not talk a lot like me). Have you sold your soul and lost your mind working in politics. Do you know Gavin's wife-to-be? Do you think Obama will get in or Hillary, (or McCain??). Do you have any STD's including the euphemized "Cold sores" (okay, sweetie, that's herpes). do you have a pet you talk baby talk to. Got anger issues? Germ phobic? Do you drink excessively? What anti-depressants are you on? Are you mormon, religiously fanatical, and would you fly a paper airplaine into my house of cards to prove a point? All those being joke questions really, you can see the gist of my jib, or the cut of my gist, or the jab of my boom, or the boom of my bluster. Either way, you light a fire under this writer. I daresay you should get your butt onto a nearby cushy barstool and help me put it out with some drinks (he said smoothly).What do YOU want to know?Kennedy

Dreamin'

I had a very vivid dream last night that I met a guy, who I wasn't that into, but for some reason agreed to go with him on vacation to Canada. While on the plane ride, I started to really fall for him. At some point during the trip, he disappeared - he totally ditched me! I was very confused and was trying to find him. When we disembarked in Toronto, he was nowhere to be found. After I woke up, I thought to myself, why am I so concerned about this? This sort of thing happens to me all the time. I meet a guy, I start to like him, and he never calls me again, for no reason I am aware of.

Adorable

I went on a second date tonight with a guy who thinks I'm adorable. He told me that several times while saying goodbye to me. He is leaving the ball completely in my court and told me that he would like to pursue dating me but that I have to call him. He was very straightforward, I have to give him credit for that. He is intelligent and funny and a good conversationalist, and I guess kind of cute. He is tall and has good hair and dresses well. He's a little metrosexual but I'm fairly assured that he's not gay. He is almost 35 and has a good job. He is divorced and has a little daughter. I'm not sure how attracted to him I am. I am wondering if him thinking I'm adorable is reason enough to go out with him again. Seeing as how I don't really have any other options for the time being, I'm thinking "yes".

I went out with the Aussie on Thursday night in the city and as always, had a fabulous time. I met him at his apt. and we walked into the Presidio. We had dinner at the Presidio Social Club. We went to Balboa Cafe after for a beer. Then I took a cab back to my hotel and he walked home. I found out he is kind of seeing someone but he made it sound as though it wasn't serious at all. So, once again, I go out with him and feel like he just likes me as a friend, although I think he does give off the occasional mixed signal. Who knows.

There is a guy who lives in So Cal who I've met a couple of times (friend of a friend) who I think is very cute and smart, etc. but he lives far away so I haven't really thought about it. I spoke to him on the phone yesterday for about an hour and may have the chance to see him sometime this spring. So, that could be interesting. A friendship, if nothing else.

Time to go to bed - have to be in the office early tomorrow morning because we are hosting a breakfast for hundreds of people. Crazy. At least I'm not directly involved, I will just have to smile and be friendly. Granted, this is difficult to do early in the morning.

Aussie Update

I was super excited when my Aussie guy invited me to his b-day party in Tahoe on March 8 but after I had a chance to calm down and think about it more realistically, I decided there was no way I could go. I don't want to spend a weekend in Tahoe with him as friends, and I don't want to take the risk of him being up there with a girlfriend or other romantic interest. That would be way too disappointing for me. I wasn't planning to contact him about it unless he bothered to follow up with me. Today he emailed me with a detailed invite. Bummed that I can't possibly go, I wrote back and told him I couldn't make it but that he and I would definitely have to get together for dinner in SF to celebrate our birthdays - he is one day older than me. Not too much later, he wrote me back and I was really surprised at what he wrote - he said "Darn it. I was looking forward to introducing you to the crew." I don't get it. Why would he say it like that - "introducing me"? He could've just said " too bad, you would've had a good time hanging out with my mates" or something to that extent. Well, who knows. The point is that I continue to be totally confused by this guy. He did say that we'll go out for a glass of wine and dinner, though, and that he's around next week. Guess the key will be to drink more like a bottle of wine and see if he loosens up a bit. Check back next week for another update in this boring, slow saga...

My quasi date

A simple definition of a "date" is when both people involved make plans to spend time together with the possibility of romance in their minds. So that's why my evening with the Aussie qualifies as a quasi date: I know for sure I had romance on the mind, but I had no indication of what he was thinking. Regardless, I had a fabulous time with him. I got to spend 6 hours with a guy I completely adore and lust after. That is not a bad way to spend an evening. I met him outside his office building. I was super busy working that day, in a series of meetings. I had about 30 minutes to change my clothes and freshen up before hopping in a cab to meet him. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek - sweet. We walked to the Chinese restaurant where the reception was taking place. He got us both glasses of wine and we mingled and chatted with a variety of people. We left at 7:30 to head to his friends' apartment near the Haight. We walked to a nearby hotel to catch a cab to take us to his parking garage, back by his office. He got a new car last week - a black 2007 Toyota 4Runner. Nice. I don't approve of SUVs but he needs it because he goes up to Tahoe all the time. Oh - while we were in the cab, he invited me to his ski-lease cabin in Squaw Valley for a party on March 8. His birthday is the 9th, mine is the 10th. He said there would be about 20 people there and that there is a hot tub. I was SO excited. Ridiculously excited. We drove to his friends' place and arrived a little after 8. His friends just moved to their new apartment a week ago. They were very nice and I really enjoyed hanging out with them. Me and a bunch of Aussies. The friends are a married couple who are expecting a baby at the end of May. One other guy was there, a guy who lives in Sydney but was visiting SF for work. He was very attractive and married with a young child. So it was a cozy dinner party with the 5 of us. The food was excellent and we stayed until 11:30. He drove me to my hotel. He mentioned the Tahoe party again, so I took that as a good sign. But I have absolutely no idea if he thinks of me as more than a friend. Then again, he may feel the same way about me. When he dropped me off, he just said that he would call me when he was up in Sac next. I asked when that would be, and he said April. I laughed and said I was sure I'd see him before then. Then he said, oh yeah, Tahoe! So....hm. Confusing. At one point in the evening, when we were driving to his friends' place, he asked me what was up with my social life and I kind of thought he was wondering if I was dating anyone. But I was vague. He never mentioned to me that he and his g-friend broke up. I certainly didn't want to bring it up. I think I can assume, since he took me to the dinner party, that he isn't dating anyone, at least not seriously. His friend Haley seemed to know some information about me - she obviously asked him about me when he told her he was going to bring a friend. So that's kind of cool. I'm secretly hoping she'll call him up and tell him I'm wonderful and that he should go for it :). So - should I go to Tahoe? What if he has a girl with him? I guess there's always the possibility that there could be other hot Aussie guys there. Oh what I'd give to be in a hot tub with him...

Crazy

I try to remind myself to be grateful for my job. At least 75% of the time, it is a really cool job. But there are some very strange things going on and it bothers me. I guess no job is perfect, and I should try to be more positive, but I can't help complaining. I think it really is a weird situation. First of all, I report directly to someone who seems to do very little work other than telling me what to do. Secondly, the big boss's wife is often coming in to the office and giving me assignments and telling me what I've done wrong, or how I should do things differently. Nice. Third, there are a group of co-workers who seem bent on controlling everything that goes on, and they're taking over parts of my responsibilities and telling me what to do. And of course I do whatever the big boss wants, but he is the most reasonable of the bunch. Does anyone else work in a situation like this? Is this even within the realm of normalness?