Pinch Hitters

During a lengthy manalysis at a local café this afternoon, my very wise friend C.A. observed that all of us are dating “pinch hitters” – men who we don’t see a future with, and sometimes don’t even particularly like – while we continue to keep our options open, hoping still to meet the “right” guy. She also says “you can’t meet Mr. Right when you’re sleeping with Mr. Retarded.” Hm. Is that true? Or can you keep seeing the wrong guy as long as you are open to meeting others? I’m going to be testing this hypothesis very soon. Starting this week, in fact. As long as the emotional connection is minor or non-existent, I see no reason why this can’t be done. Some may ask, why continue to see someone if you know deep down (or, on the immediate surface, whatever) that he is not a keeper? We all agreed that the number one reason is attention. Naturally, it’s flattering and addictive to be wanted by an attractive man, regardless of his ultimate intentions. Or marriage status, in some instances (I wouldn’t know anything about that, of course). Physical intimacy ranks somewhere at the top of the list too. But what it really comes down to is that we don’t have anything (well, anyone) else going on. That’s probably the top excuse for dating a less-than-desirable guy – not having any better options at the moment. That’s my justification, absolutely. As long as I’m still having fun with my pinch-hitter and there are no full-season replacements on deck, I see no reason to drop him permanently from the lineup.

For my loyal readers (all 4 or 5 of you), you’ve probably caught on that I’m referring specifically to the artist guy. I think I’ll just refer to him as “PH” from now on (for pinch hitter). Yeah, I admit I was really into him in the beginning. But I’ve learned a lot about him since then. Too much, probably! He is so into himself, in fact, that it’s practically all he talks about. We went away for the weekend together and had a very enlightening conversation in the car on the way home today about how unless he has an “agreement” with a woman stating that they are exclusive, he’s not loyal to anyone. This blunt revelation, coupled with some specific details I recently learned about his dating life, required me to quietly reflect on what the hell I’m doing dating him. My initial thought was that I have to get rid of him immediately. Then I thought some more and decided, why should I dump him now? I’m having fun, and he’s hot. I like the attention and he treats me well when we’re together. As long as I don’t feel a strong emotional connection to him and can accept the relationship for what it is, why not keep seeing him? Just not as often, is all. Until now, he’s taken up too much of my time for this thing to be considered (in my mind, and probably by most accounts) a “casual” dating relationship. According to my day planner, I’ve known him for 72 days (as of today, Sunday the 21st of October) and I’ve seen him 25 times. That’s an average of every 3 days. That’s not casual!! Anyway -- I need to move on and establish some rules that enable me to keep seeing him but also allow me the freedom to get out and meet other guys that might be better suited for me.

Mini-Break

I remember Bridget Jones being excited at the prospect of taking a "mini-break" or weekend trip with her new guy - she saw it as a sign of the relationship becoming more serious and also as a way to know if it'll work out if you can actually survive a few days of being with someone 24-7. Before I left for China, I told B. that I wanted us to go somewhere and spend a weekend together when I got back. He's the one who followed up and made suggestions for where we could go. We decided on Tahoe and I booked a room in Stateline for Friday and Saturday. Weather may be crappy but I'm sure we'll figure out ways to stay amused.

So, people are pretty curious about this and as far as I know, no, we're not officially exclusive -- and if that topic is to come up in conversation, it'll have to be initiated by him and not me. I don't even know what's appropriate between adults who are 33 and 40 years old and dating. It seems unlikely that he's going to ask me to go steady, you know? Maybe these things are just assumed at some point. I dunno! Do I want him to be my b-friend? Maybe I don't know that either. I definitely don't want to share him, but that's different. Isn't it? In any event, I always have fun when I'm around him and I'm sure that'll be the case this weekend.

Houses

I might buy a house soon! How exciting. And scary. I think I'm ready to take the plunge, though. Hopefully I'lll choose well and the place will be a good medium to long term investment. Funny thing about housebuying, everyone wants to give you advice. I kind of wish people would do this when we make other long-term, possibly life-changing decisions. When friends or family members get engaged to people we don't approve of, isn't it tempting to pull them aside and say "you know, maybe you should wait another 6 months or even a year! A lot of things can change in the market between now and then..." This might actually be a good idea! No, I appreciate the thoughtful advice from people who've been through the process, but ultimately when you find a place you really like, and you think it's a good deal, and you feel emotionally ready to buy a place, you just have to go for it. And not tell your friends and family :-)

Last Woman Standing

I flew down to LA the day after I got back from China to go to my good friend Devon's wedding in Laguna Niguel. I think knowing I had this wedding to go to really motivated me to get over my jet lag! Otherwise I could still be laying around the house, sleeping all day long. Now it's Sunday night at 11 p.m. and I'm fully awake, back on a normal schedule after only a couple of days. Not bad. I was really excited to see Devon and Randy get married. I had not had a chance to meet Randy beforehand but I heard a lot about him from Devon and I knew he was a great guy, so I am really happy for both of them. I also got to see a couple of friends from USC who I hadn't seen for probably 10-11 years. They traveled from DC and Texas for the wedding. I couldn't help but pointing out to Devon that thanks to her, I'm now officially the last one of our group of friends from 'SC who isn't married!

I'll post some pics soon - this blogger is experiencing problems with images.

Back from China

Just recently returned from a week in Hong Kong and Shanghai. I love to travel, but organizing a trip like this for an elected official is very stressful! I am so happy and relieved to be home. Don't get me wrong, I felt very fortunate and grateful to get to visit Asia, but I had very little free time. Well, I did have time to do a little sightseeing in Hong Kong.

This is a photo I took from the sky terrace up on Victoria Peak, one of the highest points on Hong Kong island. This is just a small portion of the thousands of skyscrapers and highrise apartment buildings in HK. It's beautiful and a bit overwhelming! It was really hot and humid there - about 90 degrees every day and it never got cold at night. I also took the ferry across Victoria Harbor to the Kowloon side, to see the view of HK island, where I was staying. Unfortunately, the air pollution was really bad and it was hard to see buildings that were right across the harbor. Sad. The next day I took a city bus across the island to Stanley Market, a well-known market where tourists go to buy cheap souvenirs and trinkets. I was a little disappointed in the market. It wasn't as big as I thought it would be and the bargains weren't all that great either. I didn't see much worth buying. The bus ride over there was the best part of the journey. It was nice to get to see more of the island than just high rises, although they are everywhere, including in the beach resorts near Stanley.

After 4.5 days in Hong Kong, we took off for Shanghai, a 2.5 hour flight north. Shanghai is an even bigger city than Hong Kong, with anywhere from 16 to 20 million people, depending who you ask. It's just a huge, modern mega-city with miles and miles of new skyscrapers and high rise condo buildings, but mixed in with a lot of older buildings too. Shanghai is more China than Hong Kong, but I was told that the rest of China is really nothing like Shanghai. I had zero time to shop and sightsee in Shanghai but I did get a few photos from my hotel, from a super tall office building, and from the riverfront where we stopped one day for an ice cream break. A highlight in Shanghai was taking the super-fast MagLev train from downtown to the airport. The train, one of the fastest in the world, hits a top speed of 430 km/hour. That's 267 mph! The distance to the airport is 30 km, and the trip took about 7 minutes. It was pretty amazing to speed through the city that fast.

So, I'm really glad that I had the opportunity to visit Asia and see some of China, but I'm not sure if I would go back on my own. Hong Kong and Shanghai are not that different from any other modern big city, like New York. Plus, China's such a long trip! I think I'll travel closer to home for a while.